When Dating a Filipina: Clear Communication

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81 comments

  1. Great video. I love your videos . May be you can get some philipina girls on camera to talk about what they expect from foreign men in their own words !! That will be interesting !! Again, thank you for sharing these videos !!

    1. When the girls responding to your request it’s the usual mumbo jumbo based around some romanticism on how they want someone to Love forever and forever .. by the way I don’t mind at all if she thinks I’m well off . Like who wants to be married to a pauper. Of course she only comes with a pair of panties. . at least she travelers light. . (smiles).

  2. Clear Communication is the key to all good relationship.  Women in the Philippines have high expectation of marriage. So does the family member of the girl and all her girlfriends. And if your a expat even worse. Because they think you are very rich.

  3. I agree but something tells me that there will still be false assumptions sometimes, even if you communicate your intentions clearly. Perhaps only hearing what she wants to hear … or “changing his mind”.  The nature of females worldwide … ha! 

  4. loud and clear ……..
    I want to spend time in he Philippines this year, I have met some girls in the net and had mentioned I just look for friendship not marriage, all agree and even offer to be my tourist guide there, I am looking for a place to spend part of the year now that I retired in the US and hope PI could be the one …..

  5. i just saw your last video where you had tacos for your breakfast. I just got back from dumaguete and usually had my breakfast with all my ex-pat friends at WhyNot.
    They have a great Sunday Brunch too. Love your videos, thanx so  much for sharing your life there, I plan on moving there too, 

    I’ll hope to be back in December. Hope to get a chance to meet you. 

  6. Drama is putting it mildly. If you are a low key type of person and don’t care for aggravation in you life, you better think twice about interaction with the local females. That is until you pick a good one to settle down with and are loyal to her. Step two is dealing with the extended family, another whole ball of wax. Whoeee!!
    Kinda like what living with Hunter Thompson would have been like. 

    1. Hardly, but thanks for the compliment. LOL American women are a different ballgame altogether Different mindset, different expectations, different morality, lost femininity,etc. etc. etc.They have been subjected too to much advertising but that is catching. up in Asia with the ubiquitous cellphones,movies,tv’s and social networking sites. Other than the largest cities, this is relatively new compared to the west. One reason why taking a Flippino back to the states can backfire.

    2. Yah, it can get really weird really fast when there are mixed signals and family members involved on top of that.  As Hunter woulds say, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”  And most guys are not as pro at being weird so.. best bet for them is to slip away on the next ferry for any other island and get a fresh start.  🙂

  7. You forgot to add – you should also ask the lady what her “intentions” are in dating you.  Having it out in the open from the very start can save you a lot of drama.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I think in your case you are right.  But there seems like so many complete idiots that think they are the center.  Your right there is a lot at stake for a Filipina and a Kano.  But when selecting my future wife I am selecting someone that not only do I think is my equal but makes me better.  The question of “what does she want” is very important to me.

    2. Center of the universe is a bit extreme.  It’s more accurate to say that foreigners are in very high demand here as husbands.  Per capita we make up a very tiny fraction of the populace.  Some filipinas may only have a chance at a relationship with one once or twice in her lifetime.  That makes for some high stakes interactions.

  8. LOL The US western way works a lot better (more or less)?  More like 50% or more end in divorce more?  Your a good dude Henry but when it comes to relationships you never know.  You could be looking to fall in love and  don’t and then not looking and then do.  It is not something you can plan out.  If you find a girl that is so amazing and perfect for you should you really keep your distance and not let her know how much they mean to you?  I think advise to most would be don’t be a dumb ass but.  You can’t plan this stuff out.

  9. you’re a good guy Henry and you really nail these issues dead center for the most part! Lots of guys fly off with little or no research or thought into repercussions if something goes wrong, and then try to place blame on everybody but themselves!!!
    I see comments on here that are negative and biased-obviously somebody has had bad experiences and most probably got into something unaware or they’ve been listening to the wrong people… I suppose that’s American foreign policy for the most part, given the USA’s ability to put their foot in it so often hahaha

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I just hate that type ignorant morons. That  just because he never asked her the questions like why do you want to be with me. He either need to blame all filipino women or just assume that pinay women are rotten to the core when he only have himself to blame. 

    2. I’ve interacted with a few vloggers online who run a channel bad-mouthing the entire PH.  It’s as you said, the guy moved a bargirl into his hotel his first month there and she proceeded to bleed him financially.. and the whole time had a boyfriend.  Now this same guy has returned to the US, claiming “all” Filipinas are like this and the PH is not what it’s cracked up to be.  To me, it’s just as well he left.  Don’t need guys like him muddying up the waters over here as far as our expat image goes.

  10. How often do you hear that a super model or hot actress married a guy that flips burgers? Conversely, a top female executive or scientist? Beauty or brains, women are attracted to men who can provide them with something they don’t already have in terms of status or economic security. There are some in the states who are so confused they really don’t know what they want. At least over there you know what you’re dealing with.

  11. i met my filipina wife on website,plenty of fish.i contacted her and basically told her the poop..and it was more like a contract.here is what i’m looking for in a woman/wife,what i do,what i have,where i live,things to do here..etc.if you think these things sound okay,contact me if you like.she thought it was weird but thought,he is ,like he said,saving people time.if you connect and invest a lot of time,only to find out that you don’t click on a big item…then you wasted time as far as a relationship.may have made a friend but no relationship there…and next up for both…”here we go again” w/a different person.well,we clicked..been married for 5yrs now not much problerms.1 major thing an expat needs to have..”a lot of patience” w/your filipina girl..and i am sure it works both ways…good luck..best you can do is draw a clear picture at start… if things are cool,then marry..and start to move on w/your life and w/your wife.don’t read a lot into any drama because women are women,everywhere..but when it comes to women in general,phillipine girls are best!

  12. Hi henry I just started Facebook you can friend me at crazyrezzy@gmail.com. hope you do. I thought it might help with staying in contact with friends and people around the world. If you do that would be great. I don’t put personal info out like you don’t I just use it as an avenue for communication. Have a great day in paradise. And story to here about your breakup. But its better to know things like that what ever they maybe sooner than later I’ll have some Cajun recipes to share if you would like.:-). Peace love and bobby Sherman. Keep your spirits up.things will work out great for you I have no doubt. God bless and have a good 4th.:-) 🙂

  13. I am kinda involved with a 35 yo Pinay, 2 kids, hardworker, doesn’t ask for money. The problem is simple communication. We do not understand each other most of the time and half of the conversation is “huh”. She is kind, sweet and simple, and I do not want to hurt her, but I can’t imagine a lifetime of “huhs”. Don’t know how to let her down easy.

    1. @Andrew Massey Ill prepared as an American? Speak for yourself. Learn some language and meet some people. I’ve been married to a filipina for 15 years and it’s not that hard to learn some Filipino and Bisaya. Hell, their learning your language.

    2. Thanks for the reply. As an American, I know that I am ill prepared for different launguages. Not like Europe where you need to know 6 to be a barista. Ha. Hey thanks for you blog and vids, it saves me from getting an education, the hard way. Cheers,  Andy 

    3. It’s a judgment call only you can make.. whether you will work through it or not.  It would help, of course, the more you learn her dialect.  But you’ll have to decide what’s best for you.  Wishing you all the best.

  14. Actually, here in France, things are pretty formal, you meet people via proper social introduction, I’ve warned, for example, Americans, not to just drop in on people, assume they can do a job here, make friends … without proper social introductions, which do take time, you’re likely to mix with a bad crowd.  You can’t just come here and be a nanny or whatever, without “dancing the minuet,” as I call it, and learning some stuff.  I’ve known too many Americans, Canadians and others who just flopped here, very quickly.  Some of the Canadians think that if they are used to speaking French, they will be okay.  NO.  It does seem slow and tedious.  Good advice, good video!  Uprated.

    1. @Rice Thims Groovy!!!  I used to love biking and didn’t think twice about going from Cleveland, Ohio to visit a pal in Troy, Michigan, near Detroit on my bike!  I am no longer fit but my spouse is ten years younger and when he inherited a nice old French bike, it sat here for years, despite my suggestions he repair the tires and use it.  Finally, he did (he adores Tour de France!) and I haven’t seen much of him since, ha ha!  I’m not happy on vacation unless I can go to greenmarkets and cook, and he isn’t unless he can rent a bike, at least for a bit!  In May, he took a two-day rental in Cotignac, Provence region, mountains, troglodyte house rented, and did 200 km in 2 days alone in the mountains!  He stopped in villages and took water from the “fontaines” and had a little splash on the face.  He was choking and red upon return and couldn’t even swallow water, had to rinse and spit, but so happy!  Many Brits love France, it goes way back (they used to have wars over it!) and buy here.  I helped a British couple with a nice house in France and FIVE DOGS THERE find a live-in house-sitter/handyperson who could mind the dogs.  They’d drive over from London every weekend and live there weekends and return to work Monday via car.  They lived in a tiny flat during the week in London and hated it, but lived like kings the weekends and holidays.  And they owned the house for retirement.  Property costs a fraction of what it does in the UK.  I have had so many nice visits to the UK since ’80, and Scotland, but I wouldn’t want to live there as it is now.  It seemed to slide down fast after ’80 or so  I get a sad vibe there.  Not all of France is pretty and good, but overall, it feels full of wonder for me, and the quality of life and joie de vivre, I feel all around me.  Please tell me how an American got a work permit in the UK!  I keep getting job offers there, often term contracts of a year, and my spouse can do without me.  xo  

    2. Slobo, I love France. I’m an American living in England and one thing that is immediately clear is the lack of population density especially compared to the UK in France. Less cars, more open places etc…Your right about seasons. I mostly bicycle tour in the south (Provence etc) in the summer. Things are closed two hours a day, shutters are closed and all is quiet. Need something on a sunday. Forget it. This lifestyle fits me fine. I could spend the rest of my life riding a bicycle in the south, stealth camping in forrest and fields with my beautiful wife. Meeting people when traveling by bicycle in France is easy! People love bicycles and when they see a husband and wife and find out they are traveling from Marseille to London (the long way). Well the conversations never end. I always start the conversation with…yes i’m American but do not worry I left my guns at home. Then the conversation turns to Armstrong and I have to tell them, I to have something in my water bottle as it is need for Americans to champion their mountains.

    3. @Rice Thims
      The Paris restaurants open on Sundays are usually tourist traps and pricey.  Pimping and solicitation are illegal, very, but prostitution, no.  It’s about 40 euros.

    4. @Rice Thims
      I was surprised by the rhythm here in France.  I’m an American expat, 20+ years here, and I usually take at least two vacations per year, usually in France because it’s so varied.  Five vacations per year is not unusual for me.  Glad you’ve been here and been around!  By noon, everyone has shut down for lunch and siesta.  Shops, services, everything tend to close and it is bad form to even make a business call during this period.  They do use the word “siesta” here, but it’s pronounced more like “sièste.”  By 3 pm, things are open, up and running again, and many people work fairly well into the evening.  I noticed the same pattern in Italy.  Work usually starts very early, such as 7 am.  That is not at all unusual.  Many people such as artisans, shop owners, work six days a week.  But they take a total of about six weeks of vacation per year, or at least close the business for an entire month.  (Often July and August, sometimes January.)  I know it is bewildering when you go to buy your lunch stuff and even the bakery may be closed.  You missed the boat.  I am told Germany also has “different” hours, and you may be stranded in a lot of the country if you don’t get everything you need for the weekend by maybe 5 pm or so Friday.  In Paris, restaurants are generally closed on Sunday.  Every town, city or village has a “closed” day.  Here in Saint-Denis, it’s Monday.  Paris is not really a “night city,” actually.  Evenings, yes.  The public transportation shuts at midnight generally, however, and does not reopen until 5 am.  They definitely do not want frantic activity, urban sprawl (they plan against it wisely, I think) or noise after 7 or 8 pm.  In fact, it’s illegal.  It’s illegal to even honk your horn in France, unless it’s life or death.  I was very impatient with the slow pace here, as I lived in NYC for 17 years before I expatriated.  Of course you cannot meet a woman of quality easily here … it goes by social introduction.  Prostitution is legal here, however.  Anyone you meet casually is probably not a person of quality.  I call it “dancing the minuet.”  If you do find a special someone here by chance, the relationship will always be muttered about and looked askance at, because family and friends have not vetted it all.  There are seasons when introductions may not be possible.  Social down time, a dead zone.  Such as July and August, for example.  It’s hot and people are away if they are lucky, or behind heavy shutters to keep out that heat.  You can certainly approach someone here, give them your card, ask them to consider contacting you, and then you have to probably go back later to be vetted by friends and family, and it’s pretty formal.  If anyone is loose here, that’s just what they are, usually — “louche.”  Something is sleazy.  It’s very confusing to outsiders, because France is not shocked by seeing enamored people kissing passionately in public.  It’s considered normal and really they find it amusing, and approve.  The French seem cool and smooth, but are “soupe au lait.”  It’s a Mediterranean country and they are passionate and keep themselves in check for a reason.  You DON’T want to rile the French.  It’s a Latin temperment kind of thing.  They savor love and relationships, friendships, even, as they do food … and everything else.  Slowly, with consideration.  Like a science.  Like an art.  Life is art here.  xo

    5. As a man who has traveled extensively in France I can say this. France is not the place to go to meet women. France to me is like a ghost town. (although I would give everything up in the world to bicycle tour France for the rest of my life) Everything is always closed and where are the people? Ride your bike through a town of 100K at about noon in France. You will be lucky to see someone on the street. Complete opposite of the Philippines. Philippines? The people are everywhere. Very dense population.

  15. Hello Henry, Can you help me?  If this is true about Filipinas. Can you watch the Youtube video about Filipinas are extorionists-or are they?  I’m confuse about dating a filipinas. Is the true about how filipinos think in the video. Thank for your help.

    1. Eddie Cuellar simple they will manipulate you till they get what they want, they will make you very happy in bed so you keep coming back for more just don’t trust them

    2. As you will learn with more exposure and some of the talks here on the channel.. ‘some’ Filipinas (mostly inner city girls and online girls) are scammers.  But many Filipinas are simply wonderful.  However you should plan on taking about a year to know them in person before making any big decision about marriage.

  16. Yes Rice,  they learned our language, young, in school. Of course, I can only speak for myself. Constructive thoughts without venom or judgements are always appreciated

  17. THAT IS WITH EVERY WOMAN ANYWHERE! THEY SEEM TO ALWAYS NEED TO CHANGE THE MAN FROM THE WAY HE IS! CAN’T TAKE ME FOR ME !
    GOT TO LOVE IT YES! HAHAHAH

  18. Have you heard of any horror stories where the guy DOES communicate his desire only to date—but the Filipina claims he has proposed to her?

    1. @sliderulelover very rare. there are misunderstandings all the time.. but to the degree where the filipina insists they are engaged, only with the nutty, overzealous fringe. i know many guys who make it clear from the beginning that their terms are “no marriage. no babies. no promises.” and filipinas either accept or reject the terms.

  19. I’ve bean talking two my girlfriend for over 3 years on skype and Facebook messenger video charting I’m saveing the money two come over two see her a lot of people say about the age diffrents but we both dont care about age I’m 33 she is 49

  20. Gold, don’t forget the gold. If a philipina doesn’t get a ring then yall are not engaged. And from what I’ve seen of there culture, if there’s no gold then there’s no wedding

  21. I have a condo lined up to rent in camella homes between gumaguete and Valencia. I see you’ve been to Valencia also ! It’s very nice as I perceive.

  22. Looking around and may acquire your imput on many things you have inquired of! Dinners on me and a day of information would be appreciated! Invite Ned and Matt also!

  23. Yes I noticed that with the very first Filipina I met on FB. Lol. Things tend to move fast with them. If you don’t catch it, you’ll be in an INTERNET relationship (one on one) before you know it and y’all haven’t even met IN PERSON yet. Now I stop these women in their tracks by telling them I’m not into no internet relationships. we’ll become on e on one when we meet in person just to see if were going to get along or like each other.

  24. Henry is very informative about the Philippines is actually probably the only one I watch the rest they have no idea what they’re talking about if you don’t want to be scammed just tell the ~Filipina you don’t have money see how long they stay around you.
    If I could go back in time I would come to the Philippines stay single enjoy life and when you do find the right girl then you can get married

    1. i knew my first filipina g/f for 2 years, we met in california. but we later went our own ways, as friends. i am still single, finding that being single fits my goals better for travel plans and working online.

  25. OMG! Man you’re right on point with your commentary and never over explain subject matter by keeping verbiage simple. I can say at least every other conversion my girlfriend and I, I make sure she understand my end game and ask her to repeat it back to me just to be crystal clear in our LDR. Happy to say I will be visiting her the end of October YEAAAAA! I’ll meet the parents after her and I have a crash course on getting to know eachother in person, sense my first visit will only be about two weeks. I plan to stick to her like glue so I can get a better feel of who and what her personality is truly like. Thank you love love your channel. Hope I can meet you while I am there in the Davao aera.

  26. After looking through the available women on DIA, I’ve noticed an incredible amount of young single mothers. I can understand a woman being taken advantage of by a young filipino guy who then runs away once the girl becomes pregnant. But many, actually most of them, find themselves with 2 or 3 kids and now want a foreigner to accept and raise these kids as his own. In a country full of single moms, don’t young women see their friends ending up with unintended children, and take some kind of preventative measures…..what, they don’t sell condoms in the Philippines, or what?

    1. there are several reasons why, but what it boils down to is.. ‘yes’, condoms are available and ‘no’, many filipinas will not require them before sex. whether with a filipino or a foreigner, an unplanned-baby is seen as a ‘blessing’. it’s generally not seen as something to avoid like you see in western culture. some filipinas see the hardships their friends go through and will avoid having babies to focus on their college or career. but every pharmacy, every grocery store sells condoms, every 7-11 as well, and they are on just about every street-corner.

  27. Very nicely done video.
    A story of a couple years ago I was shopping for a wife. I had five different draft pics before I got to the Philippines and I was going to see each one for about 5 days a piece. I wasn’t planning on scoring on any of them. I was genuinely looking to see who would be most suitable for both of us to have a serious relationship. Well it all went to hell very quickly. The first girl in Manila had problems and could not see me for the first 3 or 4 days and then when we got together I asked her for a nice but moderately priced restaurant for me to take her to and she took me to a very very expensive restaurant in a casino in Manila. We paid $120 and was in shock. lol
    Then I flew over to Davao. This girl is actually was my first rounder and my phone wasn’t working so I gave it to her brother to take it somewhere to be fixed and to make a long story short they found all the other girls on the phone. I had a suspicion but I enjoyed the family so much we just hung out for a ton time and I kind of forgot why I was there.
    I eventually left them. I got scammed buy another girl on my list for small amount of money.
    Then one girl didn’t want to see me because I had not communicated in a while and she suspected I was playing around.
    And finally I was down to my last few days and I was getting a little bit frustrated.
    I went online did a lot of chatting and met a nice girl the day before I was going to come back.
    I promised I’d be back and I forced a trip back to the Philippines in a month. I stayed two weeks and we decided to get married with a K-1 Visa. Now she’s here the states and we have a beautiful 11 mo. old girl and now I’m seriously thinking about going to the Philippines and retiring early and living modest life since that’s all I could afford. lol. So it all worked out but it was a lot of work. My wife is so sweet and nice. All the girls I met were nice. Even the girl tricked me at the casino felt sorry about it. lol. I’m not sure if I believe that one.

    1. i’ve met and had relationships with filipinas who could have been a great wife, but not for me. so i moved on. and i know so many expats, personally, who are happily married.

      other guys are simply not ‘husband-material’. in that, they don’t know how to be married and women give up on them. they lack either social skills or women-skills.

      and then there are guys who have no interest in marriage, but date a lot. however, finding a good-woman in the PH is not a hard task at all. especially if you’re willing to raise kids with them. if not, then the filter is set a bit higher, but still do-able.

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