This is our story, and how I found my soul mate…
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Our story actually begins at the end of my last marriage to a Vietnamese lady. She was one of the original 1975 boat people fleeing the communist takeover of Vietnam. She arrived in the US on an overcrowded cargo ship that had picked her and her family up from their small fishing boat owned by her uncle. We met in Nebraska and were married in May of 1979. I was in the United States Air Force for most of these years as a photographer. The marriage lasted almost 30 years. However this marriage was a rough ride for me, as she was very argumentative, she was always right and you could never win in an argument with her, We just flat did not get along no matter how hard I tried to work it out. I used to get so frustrated with her trying my best to make things work, but she just was not satisfied. When we argued she would bring up every argument we ever had from day one and argued about them also. Some times she would get to the point where she was so frustrated with all the past arguments that she would begin screaming at me at the top of her lungs. So the marriage was rocky at best and was hard to endure but endur it I did, for 30 years. All the relatives always thought we had such a great marriage but what they saw was just a show, not real, she was good at fooling everyone into thinking our marriage was rosy. Those outside the home were not aware of all the problems we had in this marriage and by the way I was alwasy a good husband I nebver hit her and never got mad at her it all seemed to be pretty muc one sided. I am not one of these guys that is abusive to his spouse actually in this case she was the one who was abusive to me mostly telling me she could not stand me and hated me and so on and so on. She never talked about this to anyone as she was a very private person… We would go to church every Sunday holding hands as if all was OK but as soon as we got to the car to go home she would take her hand back and say something like don’t touch me, or I hate you or some other such words. Why I never ended it I will never know, maybe I saw something I liked in there somewhere down deep inside her. You knw I did love here afterall but it seemed to be one sided. She was very overbearing and demanded total control of everything including me. Every penny I made from day one of my 47,000 a year job was put away in her bank account, or stuffed under the mattress. I was never allowed to spend any of it. If I wanted to buy a book or magazine I would have to beg her for it and endure a couple of hours of yelling and arguing. She had a job with the city of Arlington Texas as a librarian assistant, and we lived off of her city job pay. What a life I had all these years really a prisoner in my own home. Then she spent the days telling me how disgusting I was to her. She was never satisfied with me no matter what I did or accomplished. I worked at several jobs attended College and aced all my classes but still that was not enough. Maybe if I had become a doctor she would have been happy but then, maybe not. Over the years I ended up a Manager at two companies at their computer rooms, and at one a manager over a computer repair section with six technicians employed under me. I was a programmer at one but none of this satisfied here. She never considered divorcing me either because that would mean failure on her part at the marriage something she could never do or allow to happen. Shw would not be able to face her relatives with this kind of failure, remember she was always right no matter what.
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The Death of my Wife of 30 Years
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In January of 2004 she died suddenly of a massive cerebral hemorrhage and was gone within five hours totally brain dead. This was brought on by her refusing to take her hypertension medications thinking she knew more than those doctors did about her own body, how wrong she was. Her blood pressure was extremely high at the time of her death something like 220/110. After her death I was living in our home in Arlington Texas saddened by her death, remember I was married to her for almost 30 years, but at the same time I felt freedom as if let out of prison. I now had to plan how I would spend the rest of my life. Right away I noticed I was to spend it in solitude as my now grown kids already in their 20s would wake up get dressed and say Hi dad, By dad, go to work come home hi dad by dad going out with friends. This went on just about forever it seemed. I was left at the house with no one to talk to and no friends. Oh yes during our marriage anyone I picked to be a friend was automatically a bad person so I was not even allowed a friend during the entire 30 years Now you ask how the heck did I survive for so long well, long story I guess…
The Relatives on her side of the Family: This is the part where I got into so much hot water with the Vietnamese relatives, and I am sorry guys for this, if I could fix it I would but this is something I have to live with, it can’t be fixed. If we would have had a good marriage things would have turned out a lot different than it did. Not a single day went by without a heated argument, she loved to tell me that she would make my life miserable and most of the time it was. Three months after my wife’s death in January of 2004, I began making friends with several girls online simply out of boredom. It was sinethung ti do since my kids were always gone and I was left alone all day and most of the night. As the friends started, I was not really looking for a wife or even a girlfriend, I only needed friendship, at
that point. However, over time my thinking changed and I started looking for something a little more like a girlfriend. I settled with a very cute petite 4′ 11″ 76 pound Filipina from Cebu and decided to fly to the Philippines to meet her. Well All of the Vietnamese relatives immediately shunned me, since I had left the country before the year was up which is a Vietnamese custom of which I shoud have followed but decided not to at the time my well, fatal attraction as far as the relatives were concerned. Actually I felt like a prisoner just let out of jail after being in it for 30 years. And I hate to say it but the marriage and the way I was treated made life kind of like that, I was basically a prosoner in my own home. I could not go anywhere, I could not have friends and I was only allowed to go to church. I could not buy things I wanted only necessities in the household. Anyway I left to see a Marianne in April of 2004 for a ten day trip. Just to get away from the house and to meet here that was it only a meeting. I think the Vietnamese relatives wanted me to stay single and become a Catholic Priest something I had already started perusing. I was supposed to morn the death for at least a year which is customary in the Vietnamese community. Living alone in my house would have driven me completely crazy as I am a people person, I crave being around other people. So to my mistake, I figured I did not have to follow this custom as I was not Vietnamese, 
myself, and this was my mistake which got me into so much hot water with all the relatives on her side of the family. Even today I am not allowed to talk to or connect in any way with my relatives. They have even tried to convince my children that i was a bad person and not to contact me. Fortunately for me the have stayed in touch with me. So even today none of them will talk to me. Actually I miss being around them and attending parties and church I like people and enjoyed their company. I always thought highly of them and I do miss not being able to talk to them. At my daughters wedding all the Vietnamese would stay in a tightly packed group and not even recognize I was there. At one point the husband of one of her sisters came over to talk and only got a word or two out when his wife, my x-wife’s sister came over and grabbed him jerking him away stating He was not allowed to talk to me. I was so disgusted with her I immediately left and went home. This was at the end of my daughter’s wedding so I was at least present during all of my daughter’s wedding ceremony. During the wedding reception all the relatives filled the family table and when they saw me come into the building, they rushed to make sure I did not have an empty seat at that table. I had to sit with the church choir of which I was a member anyway, as I was their bass guitarist.
In the past, one of the relatives did something so bad the entire family had to move out of state. He later was rejoined into the family and forgiven for whatever he did. and they moved back to Arlington Texas. But it seems my sins are much worse than his, as I am still shunned by them. So my sin in reality is leaving too soon basically that’s it. I did not honor the death of my x-wife long enough. It makes no difference if I took the trip for R&R reasons and to meet a friend, which in reality it was, I did not marry her until September of 2004 almost 8 months after my x-wifes death, almost a year guys… I did go and I did rest and I did meet a nice friend. Then I returned home to banishment to this day. I can’t communicate with any of them. Am I Still considered a bad person to all of them, even to this day? I never did anything bad to any of them in all the 30 years, and I never did anything bad to my x-wife. I would have more likely honored here Vietnamese culture and I am sorry for jumping in so suddenly like I did would have probably worked out a lot better if I had waited but I can’t turn the time back and re-do things I have to live with the choices I made in 2004.
Just had to get that out behind me… The relatives really need to read this because they only have half the story. I would love to be rejoined with this side of the family but doubt if that will ever happen.
The Early Years
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In March of 2004, I began to chat with several girls I had found online and single out two girls Marianne from Cebu Philippines and another, one named Angela from way down in southern Philippines, Cagayan de Oro. I felt Marianne was a best choice for a companion and a friend and at that time that’s all I wanted was a friend. I really liked her personality although I was a little worried about her age, at the time she was only 19, this being April of 2004 and her birthday was October 25th., 1983. You could never tell that she was that young by her attitude and actions and the way she thought and talked. By April I had given up chatting with all the other “friends” I had including Angela who I was 
also seriously thinking about early on. I really wanted to settle down to only one girl as I saw the need for a closer companion. Needless to say Marianne became more than just a friend, over time a romance developed and I wanted to meet her in person. In April of 2004 – I flew on Cathay Pacific to Cebu City with a stopover in Hong Kong. And arrived at Mactan international airport. After the usual customs stamping my passport with the visa and grabbing my baggage I was met by one of the relatives and taken over across the street and up to a higher point at the airport. There I met Marianne for the first time. When I came around the corner I only saw her sister Michelle, and recognized her right away. But where was Marianne? Then I noticed this shy very tiny girl kind of hiding in the shadows looking out at me. She was afraid I would not like her tiny size, she was 4’ 11” tall weighed in at 76 pounds, very small bones tiny hands. She looked a lot smaller than I could tell from the web cam. You can’t tell from these web cams what a person will look like until you actually see them in person. Then she walked over to me and we made contact for the first. She looked so cute and short, I am a full head taller than she is. Next we grabbed a taxi and headed out for the two and a half hour drive back up the coast at night to Bogo a city in northern Cebu. When we arrived in Bogo I was taken to the family business, an internet café named “The Cool Zone.” Where I met the rest of the family, after a short stay there we were taken to the small apartment that Marianne had rented for $32 a month, this is where we would live until our home was built later that year. I build the large 2000 square foot home in Dakit, Bogo even before we were married, I was so sure this marriage would work. Marianne is originally from a nearby island of Negros Occidental and from the city of La Carlotta, but spent all her childhood and schooling right here in Cebu City. I always new here as the girl form Cebu City and when that taxi took us up the coast for two and a half hours I was confused and asked where it was taking us. That’s when I found out where Bogo was.
( The story continues after three photos.)
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Honeymoon in Bantayan Island Philippines 2004
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Taken out side the $32 a month apartment we lived in.
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This gives you some idea how tiny she is. This was taken in Jollybee a fast food similar to McDonalds.
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The Marriage
Marianne and I were married at the Mayor’s office in Bogo Philippines. Actually the Mayor was tied up and could not make it so the Assistant Mayor shown in the Photos did the ceremony. We had a driver our limo not really, it was just a nice van. After the ceremony we went over to the apartment where there was a reception all set up under a tent outside the apartment. We had plenty of food including spaghetti, and a roast pig. After that we took our honeymoon to the nearby island Bantayan Island located off the north west coast of Cebu. See photos of Bantayan Island Here.
(Story continues below two photos)
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Signing the marriage license.
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Photo taken in the Mayors office in Bogo Philippines
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The House
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In June of 2004 we began designing the Dakit, Bogo house using Microsoft Paint on my computer. The construction was started even before we were married. I designed a rectangle with 4 rooms one on each corner with a central area for the living room and behind it two bathrooms. The room on the left rear became the kitchen and is a large kitchen. The Bedroom on the right side became the Master bedroom and is “L” shaped making it a little larger than the others 12′ 9″ x 12′ 9″ The L shape is about 8 x 8 and it leads to the Master Bath. This is where my office is when we area actively living in this house. The spare bedroom is currently occupied by Marianne’s brother, wife and 2 kids and the other room normally the maids room is where her dad and mom stay. OK, once the design was done I submitted that to a local architect to produce the official Blueprints. Next we hired her dad to be foreman for the building of the hose. Her dad was one of several foremen for the building of the SM in Cebu City. Next we began buying materials to build the house. We also hired 20 local laborers from the population around our property, this way they all got a little out of the building of our house in the way of income. It took about 5 months to complete our house. It is made of mostly concrete and steel, no wood except the door frames and doors. I lived in this house from June 2004 until November 2006. I traveled back to Texas about once a year for up to two weeks per trip to visit my two grown kids still living in my Texas house, and to take care of business.
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The Texas Years
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In November of 2006 after Marianne received her Visa and could legally travel to the US, we left the house in Bogo to her parents to look after and headed for Texas where we purchased a house lived there for 4 years. It was hard living in Texas as I could not find a good paying job due to my age and she having no experience ended up working at Wall-Mart as a stocker. So it was a struggl for us there and we finally just gave up after the 4 years, sold everything we had there and returned to the Philippines. I had to give the house back to the bank as we cold not sell it due to it being too close to a drug infested and crime ridden area.
(Story continues after eight photos)
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Our 2000 square foot 4 bedroom home in Texas
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This was out family vehicle a 2009 Ford Escape in Texas in Grand Prairie Texas
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The Master Bedroom with Felicity’s Crib and Matthew’s bed
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The Huge living room. Spent plenty of scary nights here when many bad storms blew through some
bringing tornadoes, lights going out alarms going off definitely not fun.
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Marianne standing in front of the American Airlines Museum in Fort Worth Texas
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The Cebu Years
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Now back in the Philippines and currently living on the island of Mactan, we lived in three different apartments, one renting for P7,500 and then on to one renting for P5,000 but the owners who where friends of our family where having a fight and broke up their marriage so we moved back to Dakit, Bogo house again, where we are lived for a few months. But when Marianne decided she wanted to attend college, we moved back to Tumulak Village in Mactan a second time. I like it here becasue it is a gated compound with a team of security guards on duty 24 hours. Then our apartment is in a second inner compound and this is gated also.
Marianne is now attending college at Southwestern University in Cebu City to become a Pharmacist. This is a four year program here. The Bogo house has been for sale for about two years now but selling houses in the Philippines is not easy so we may never actually get it sold.
Today September of 2011 we are still in the Tumulak Village apartment this one owned by an engineer for Cebu City and renting for P 6,500. Just about all the property owners here in Tumulak Village are wealthy Filipinos. At a recent party at the owners house next to us I met three other engineers, a surgeon and a dentist. The dentist plays guitar as did the other engineers we have become friends. Marianne is still attending Southwestern University and doing very well. She is the president of her class, and was chosen right from the beginning for this job. Her schooling keeps her real busy going all day from 6:00 am to some times as late as 8:00 PM so I will be glad when the four years are up and she graduates.
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Seven years of Marriage
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Well here we are September of 2011, we have been married 7 years almost to the day. We now have 3 children Matthew 6, Felicity, 4, and Rhianne 1. I must say these were 7 great years, lots of good memories from these days. Our marriage has been heavenly and we are just as in love today as we where in the beginning, even more so. We hardily ever argue and if we do it is not much more than a short civilized discussion at it’s worst. We seem to agree on just about everything she or I want to do. We have a lot of fun together often visiting one of the great beach resorts here like Ron Perry Virgin Beach Resort in northern Cebu, which is described elsewhere on this site in a few posts and on the menu at the top. Another resort we like here is the “Portofino Beach Resort” here in Mactan. I don’t waste my money on the high priced resorts here when I can have just as much fun at Protofino at a fraction of what it costs at the other resorts. For directions to our place go here. Virgin Beach Resort here, and Portofino Beach Resort here.
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More Photos
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At the house in Dakit Bogo I think 2006, isn’t she cute?
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Marianne on her Honda now wrecked by relatives.
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Marianne during our Texas years from October 2006 to February 2010.
She worked at Wal-Mart for a while.
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A more recent photo 2011, taken at Greenwich who make great Pizza’s at Ayala Mall in Cebu City
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A cute photo or Marianne when I first met her, this is in our $32 a month apartment in Bogo April 2004.
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Taken at White Sands Resort in April 2004 during my 10 day visit she’s so cute.
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This is the street just outside our compound in lapu-Lapu City.
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Our Compound in Lapu-Lapu City.
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Our Compound in Lapu-Lapu City.
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This is the living room and as you can see is large enough for most anyone, look how big Matt is now.
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The Kitchen area, the door leads out to the laundry area.
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Charles and Marianne in September 2011
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Taken in San Remigio Beach Resort in 2011
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Marianne getting ready for classes at Southwestern University in Cebu City. She has not changed in 7 years. What a wonderful marriage this has been to be married to some one so wonderful as she is, it’s such a pleasure just to be in her presence.
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The office in Tumulak Village that doubles as a bedroom at night. This is where I do all my work.
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This is my newest business I am a Tour Guide for all of Cebu.
M&M Retirement Tours Cebu
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A Modern Cebu City at night, reminds me of Los Angeles with the mountains in the background.
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Contact:
PLDT 32-520-1412
MagicJack Internet Phone
(Toll Free) 571-970-9195
Philippines Cell Numbers:
Charles: 0-933-602-8074
Marianne: 0-932-525-3136
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This is an update on what is going on in my personal life here in Lapu-Lapu City Philippines. I told my wife when she wanted to attend College a few months ago, that I fully support her in every way. Since she is in a Medical field the College costs are fairly high. I told her I am willing to hang in there, and cut spending as much as possible so finances are available for her education. I am OK with this until she is finished, even if it means sitting in my little room and not going out very often. She has just finished mid terms and now completed two semesters at Southwestern University in Cebu City. Marianne is working hard spends almost 100% of her free time on studies and is doing well. I spend most days right here in my little room on this computer and don’t get out in the sun light very often. I have not been to a beach resort in months now, kind of miss that but I’m not complaining, because it’s all for her, and I know time will pass. She will eventually get done with her college studies and then we will celebrate by going somewhere nice. I have had several colds and one episode of the flue. I think I may be lacking in vitamin “D” as I spend most of my time in this room and very little outside. To cut spending I am eating a lot less and eating things like fish and rice, Filipino style. I like to dream of how life will be for us once she has finished her schooling and is a registered pharmacist with her own Pharmacy. I think at that point we will be living in our own home somewhere in the Cebu City area. I will have my own office separated from the sleeping areas. Right now we are in a two bedroom rental apartment in Lapu-Lapu City very near the court house, McDonald’s and Gaisano Island Mall here on the main highway in Lapu-Lapu. It is cramped and my office is just in a corner of the bedroom dust is a huge problem here due to the bed and blankets and clothing. I look forward to the future when we are self sustaining with enough money coming in that we won’t need to depend on Social Security and Pensions. Below are a few photos of like here in our $160 per month rental apartment.
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