Married to a Filipina: The Long Visit Problem – Philippines

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128 comments

  1. I think I ended up lucky, I’m engaged to a filipina who is around my age (I’m only 26, she’s 25) and her family only wanted to bond with me. They never asked for money. They saw me as one of them. I think it also helped that I’m young and my fiance can use the excuse that I don’t have much money, because I really don’t. In fact, the mother was worried about my money when I kept bringing the kids to McDonald’s and buying food for the house. They didn’t like me spending too much, but they appreciated very much. Maybe it’s just how the culture is in that part of the Philippines (I was in Calapan City).

    1. +Ms. Audree Jean How young is young though, considering the culture differences. I have seen a few videos now, where that doesn’t seem to be the case.

  2. You know it is exactly the same here in Mexico. There are so many parallels that I am starting to wonder if I should bother making the trip over.But this ‘scam’ happens all over the planet, in the west its called freeloading…

  3. Got to add a point and I don’t think you do this much anymore…this was not your experience. You still are not married. I would not pass along hearsay, that is my policy in whateveer country I am in…still your vids are worthwile I think the more recent even more so.

  4. I think you were so unfortunate that you married the wrong Filipina for you. You should have first done background check on her educational, religious, family background, how she was raised, etc. before you married her. If she is not that strong to let her relatives go back home, as a man you should have been strong enough to stress your point to her relatives that what they are doing is not right. And I agree on you on that aspect, but I feel you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, the reason why they are staying in your house. Not all Filipinos are like that. It is just unfortunate that you married someone with relatives like that which you have mentioned. Some foreigners try to find Filipinas in bars, internet, or any social media, and what do you expect? You should have tried to seek Filipina professionals, with good family background to meet your standards. But I do understand the purpose of your video to give precaution to foreigners to be more “clever”.

    1. @Steve A happened to my ex/gf a multitude of times (she lives in a very nice subdivision, in cebu) and has happened to several expats i got PM’s from. usually family that just doesn’t take a hint about leaving after a few hours.

  5. I think you ought to address the pinoy issue. A lot of them feel emasculated by ‘rich’ foreigners who can afford to live in their country and date their women. The bigger issue is that tourists and expats pour a lot of money into the country’s economy. It is like here in Mexico with the ‘hey gringo, go home’ attitude. Without America there’s no Mexican economy. The PI economy would sink without tourism and expats…

  6. There is a REAL easy solution to that … get the wife into working at a really hard job – say in a factory. It doesn’t take more than a year or so where you don’t even have to get involved.

    The first time some relative tries to take advantage of you financially and your spouse will become a screaming banshee at them to hit the road. It works even better if you and your bride are in the US … people generally work a lot harder, costs are a lot higher, taxes, and the wife has long since come to really appreciate the value of a hard-earned dollar.

    I’m pretty sure my wife may have actually leveled death threats on at least one cousin she caught wasting money on luxuries that was supposed to help pay for school (we are real generous when it helps the kids to get a good education … and we don’t have our own kids – both of us are too old) … that whole family has never talked to or asked us for anything since.

    1. Who says she doesn’t like it … and hard work is good for the soul. I work hard, too. She has a lot of friends at her job, its afforded us the ability to do things we otherwise couldn’t. Also, I help her with a lot of stuff around the house so we have a equal work and home situation. I’m not beyond getting on my knees to clean a bathroom.

      Now do I wish sometimes her work was a little easier – sure, especially when they are pushing mandatory overtime with some really sucky hours. We both have healthcare and retirement plans, own a house, 2 cars (she has the new Honda), a timeshare in Vegas, and we travel some. Life is decent for 2 blue-collar workers – neither with a college degree.

      My wife isn’t – as she tells me often – very book-smart, she would do poorly at a self-motivated internet type of work and she seems to be one of those people who thrives when they are making people 20 years younger look lazy on a production line and she has lots of friends on her job – Filipina’s, Hmong, and Hispanics (not a lot of white workers there).

      That being said, we don’t have kids and so we both work. The wives here that don’t work go around gossiping, having constant parties, and doing their little social stuff and often getting into trouble (gambling, drinking. fooling around). We don’t have the energy to get into trouble. Funny thing is – our house is usually cleaner and more organized than any of the wives who have time on their hands from working at home.

      We can afford to help family from time to time, send money to charities we see worthy, and our life is pretty good most of the time. Are there things I’d change – a few – but our life works and my wife rarely has time to be uncontented. Our only real fights are over my big mouth (an occasional problem) – and with her sisters over sistery stuff that spill over.

    2. +MrBabylonandon i would never want my wife working a hard job she didn’t like. i’d rather teach her to do online work. to work smarter, not harder.

    1. +Garry Lewis Two years have passed from our FB encounter, Jena and I . Family borrow has become an issue, Jena is beginning to learn the pitfalls of the family , and to say ” get on your bike ” implying peddle .

    2. +Garry Lewis if she wants to take care of her family, let her work and pay for it.. your responsibility if to your family you are making… not to her immediate family like uncles, aunts and so on

    3. Well i don’t think with Loritess that’s going to be a problem her siblings are all married and have kids one is doing real well in the states with her husband now the other older sister and her husband are getting by fine, now and then they help mom and dad out which i see nothing wrong with that infact i see it as admirable helping out your folks now and then. I know me and Loritess will help out to now and then if and when they need it. But i never met Loritess on one of those online dating sites , we met by chance on Face Book and became closeover the months, to the point i’m looking forward to going to visit her and if things go well stay awhile, then maybe later return the states to visit or live one or the other. Depends on how much i enjoy the PHilippines and how our relationship grows.

    4. +LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I’ll run that by her if she seems reluctant to do this, that may be a warning sign. I know her sisternlaw lives at her mom and dads, as does her older sister and her husband, so i will most certainly suggest living a good distance from her folks. At least out of walking distance for sure. I’ve done told her i want it to be just me and her living together as we will have to budget our money, she has agreed, hopefully that won’t change once i get there. I’ll just let her know i’ll be moving on if her family tries to take advantage of me. I don’t mind visiting now and then , but there will be no one living off of us and bedding down in our home. I won’t mind helping mom and dad out now and then, but i’m not wanting to adopt her entire family. I’m all for helping out now and then when i can, but i don’t want to be taken advantage of.

  7. its funny, im half fillipino, and i got warned about this, everybody knows that when visiting you family. keep it under the radar, you know i cant blame them. still, life is harsh over there. but i met alot of people i got to know. and most of the guys didnt ask about money from me. the had like pride in themself.

    1. +year 2000 even though i’m primarily addressing expats visiting, the same applies to anybody with money, and as you already know that means visiting filipinos from abroad. most expats come here not knowing anyone, and that is something of an advantage.

  8. I don’t know maybe love is blind. I’ve never been in love like that. so many simple precautions can be taken, if the man has a backbone. but for myself I make that mistake and married once not a Filipina. I like the new opportunity of the beautiful Filipino women but I will never ever marry again.. whatever I have will go to my children.

  9. So what with the not just throwing them out on their arse? I have been here with my GF for over 2 1/2 years and while her sisters would never try this I could see the possibility of some more extended trying it and no way would it fly.

  10. Sounds like kids sometimes. lol My kids would try this on me sometimes when they were growing up. I had 3 kids and they all tried ONCE. When you give in, it never stops. If it was me, i would give them sleeping bags and tell them i hope it doesnt rain tonight when you are sleeping outside. lol

    1. @Bob Bruce   I saw a video where the story goes:  A man invites his love interest to dinner at a nice restaurant.  She shows up with two girlfriends to join them.  He excuses himself to go the restroom and simply never returns to the table.  I need to learn this kind of thinking. 

  11. NOPE WRONG !!!!  The flip side is after 2 days I packed up and went and got a TRUCK… I simply MOVED SELF and ALL my shit out and let them keep the place ! I refuse to play the GAMES !!!!

  12. Lose her. If she is becoming such an inconveniences to you life. Leave her. As long as you don’t have any kids. No lost to you. Her pressuring you to help someone else show an immaturity on her part. Not wife material. I give when I feel like it. Not guilt into giving. That’s a red flag. Leave. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Just have to be more carful with the next one.

  13. A person needs to grow some balls and make the people leave. I would have no problem escorting them, including kids, to the door with no money. I didn’t have them come so they are not my problem

  14. Oh yes, Filipina scams. They’re probably the world’s second worst scammers next to the Nigerians. Most of them would even hangout in internet cafes and chat with 10 or so foreigners at a time looking for victims. They would probably say “I love you” a thousand times a day to to a 100 men. Simple logic, just do the numbers. Who wouldn’t want to fall in love with that tiny brown Asian woman? Eventually she would start saying she is having financial problems like she needs to pay her rent or utility bills, and then it will go higher and higher. She’ll be asking for tuition fees, a starting capital for a small business, death in the family, whatever…

  15. Probably a secure subdivision would be the best. As a single guy here in the USA who has had experience dating both here and in the Philippines my recommendation to anyone(and the only way I’d ever consider marriage for myself) is a long period of dating followed by short engagement. This gives you a long time to evaluate the lady and her family and see how they act and what they are all about. It also gives her the opportunity to get to know you to see if you two are compatible. I have tried a dating website in the past frequented by filipinas and many times the scams will start from the first couple of conversations. If not then, I’m sure a scammer/scamming family could be outed rather easily within a year or two of serious continuous dating and communication. I can see what you’re saying here in your video, but chances are I’d say is that if the woman is willing to be patient with you and vice versa and your instincts about her intentions are good, then you’ve got a keeper. Most scammers seem to me like purse thieves(snatch and grab). Or in the case of a scammer(a quick hit).

  16. That would be tough. especially if I had a nice filipina I wanted to bend over the kitchen table…hahaha. I should admit, my luck would be weeks if not months. Maybe the answer is to house share with another expat and use each other as the landlord if need be.

  17. this happened to me on my last visit to my wife in manila last feb. as soon as my wife got wind that family were headed there from the province, she packed our bags and we went to the other side of manila and stayed with her friends till the family left. i was not allowed to make any post that gave away our hiding spot.

    1. +Francis Saey that’s a good escape plan. i’d do the same. it really sucks when people won’t take a hint that after 2 days of an unplanned visit they are “late for the door”.

  18. “IF THAT HAPPENS TO YOU THEN YOU’RE JUST A COMPLETE IDIOT SKUNK!” I DO NOT CARE IF THEY JUST GOT RUN OVER BY A CAR OR WHATEVER THE SKUNK REASON THEY’RE TELLING ME TO GIVE EM’ MONEY.

  19. To quote someone else’s comments: “Truth is you go to Philippines to meet a girl you will be robbed scammed and cheated. Almost every one of them will use the law and family to take everything they can and you will be lucky if they don’t charge you with false crimes. Teachers are some of the worst. Every public official you must know is corrupt. The courts will look at you as a huge source of money. There is no justice in Philippines. They file charge then even if you have conclusive evidence they will arrest you and then you either pay huge legal fees or if you try to play by their corrupt game and bribe them as soon as you give one bribe the other hand comes out. Many promises that your problem will be solved but here comes another hand. .. you need to pay the judge the atty the prosecutor every lying witness and then if you pay out come more witnesses to pay. If you start Down the road of payoffs it will not end until you leave Philippines. I went to court and while waiting for my case there was murder trial. … man shot victim 3 times in front of half the town. Verdict guilty fine 70,000 pesos about 1700 dollars and he was free. … if it’s foreigner and crime is not even murder only then it’s 1 or 2 million Peso … 25,000 to 50,000 dollars and kick you out of Philippines forever even if you have video proof someone else did the crime. Do not go to the Philippines not even for week cuz you will be robbed cheated and stolen from. Don’t bring your family they will be taken for ransom don’t go yourself. You can not do business there because no one can be trusted. I lived there and every foreigner every one was cheated on different levels. If you only have to pay 1000 dollars your lucky”

    1. Phil McGroin wow that’s probably the most informative insight I’ve heard about the Philippines. I do some work in the USA for a Philippine woman who flips houses and I got so tired of her greediness that I don’t work for her anymore. She tried to hook me up with the girl from the Philippines but I just came out of a 17-year marriage(clean divorce). She tried telling me in front of her husband Philippine women are the best in the world but I said I think they’re overrated and she gave me a dirty look ☺

  20. If I ever hit the lottery I wouldn’t want them to release my name. I wouldn’t want my wife to even tell one of her relatives. In about 10 minutes every person in the Philippines would be on my door step and claiming to be a relative of mine.

  21. Interesting. I spent years in China and has the same deal with my Chinese in-laws. When I moved us all back to the UK, they managed to get visas and followed us here for “a holiday” (6 months). There’s no end to the shit. It doesn’t happen with the wealthier places like Japan, HK or Singers, or even Korea – but I think that kind of whiny, dependent entitlement is a constant in the poorer places. Bummer, huh?

  22. You know what Bro. “Reekay”, since new President, has life improved somewhat there? Most of the UK’s feeling the Brexit heat since voting to part from rest of Europe. The entire world’s in bad shape ha

  23. If anyone falls for this scam they deserve it.. A fool and his money are soon parted. Be smart ask them for money first, let them know your family back home is sick and is in need of money. I’d pack all the groceries and give it away and starve them outta my house.

  24. Canadian Government
    Work Permit Fraud “One day l was searching for jobs and in searching l found
    the already posited jobs by her. she told me that to process my canadian visa
    they should be some commitment which l accepted to give out. She told me that
    as soon as am done with sending money,it will also take few days to arrive in
    canada for work.” Dean Malcom was Scammed out of $2,650.00 by May Claire Luyun
    of Toronto, Ontario for a Canadian Work Visa, called an Open Permit. Ms. May
    Claire Luyun was fraudulently offering for sale online a Government of Canada
    Work Permit. Fraud Warning!

  25. I live in Manila, those people who are dishonest, cheaters, robbers, lazy, opportunistt, here in Manila are actually most from villages in the provinces, real Manilans are good people that is the truth.

  26. I’d be happy to give them money to go to the mall. After they leave i would lock the doors and not let them back in the house at all. They would get tired of staying in the yard eventually.

  27. Reminds me of 2 years ago
    Was dating stunning pinoy, one day she said her brother was in town and would like to meet so we arranged to meet at a Bar/Cafe Parked my truck and walked 50 yards to the Bar
    Brother there plus his Daughter…Food ordered…and hey seems they are well knows friends passing by and suddenly ther are 6 people plus me tucking in and ordering food
    Then a Ladyboy known to the family appeared boyfriend was a ships captain and she was lonely so now 7 plus myself

    Now Im not a tightwad but it really pissed me off that they thought me a mug
    When the meal was over the brother decided it was time for beer…i said to the girl “I hope they are capable of paying for what they are ordering in quite a stern tone,,,the look I got was your going to pay come what may
    So I went to the Bathroom…on the way out the cash desk was some way from the table and hidden so I had a word with the owner told him what and who i was paying for…agreed and paid 4,300 Peso….sauntered out of the bar got in my truck and dissapeared into the sunset
    My cell phone was going mad for 2 days but ignored and never set my eyes on any of them again

  28. I am filipina my name is cherry Lyn dagapioso I’ve been chat for almost 1yr if money is involved don’t trust easily money is not involved anything on a dating sites because we don’t really know what kind of people we chat for.

  29. I’d get rid of my wife if I was you. She’s in on the scam too if she tolerates this behavoir from her family, she’s not protecting your interests or the household by subjecting you and your home to this abuse.

  30. If people don’t know how to behave or be considerate, perhaps you should take the whole opportunity to teach them some manners. Sit them down in your living room like a classroom setting and explain to them how they are being rude. And if they persist, it’s okay to be rude right back to them and kick them out.

  31. I have experienced this kind of thing myself when I met my wife for the first time in Bangar La Union. Her relative acted as if she really wanted to meet me and only after my wife and I was about to go have some private time together her relative asked for money saying she had no money for food. I was very upset about this because I knew I was taken advantage of and I did not go there to get scammed . I know better now and I will never give money to anyone unless I feel they are truly my friend or my wife family for I have no problem helping her parents or siblings. Its just some of her relatives that make me feel very uncomfortable being near them.

    1. yah, that sort of thing sucks. eventually, you need some sort of response that doesn’t involve your wallet. one response might be, “our primary concern is helping out her parents.” (only). or, not visiting so often. :/

  32. What you are saying are all true but this is in general. It does not apply to people who can understand that you have something to do other than entertaining them until whenever they want to leave. Mostly do not have something to do and never think that they are bothering other peopleś lives already. Most Filipinos do not want to hurt peopleś feelings .Oftentimes being taken advantage of because they do not know how to tell people frankly by not offending them. They do not want to say anything

  33. P.s a good Filipino family will never do that poor or not!! Theyl be too ashamed to act like that. Its happen to me a lot there more concerned for my welfare. Iv only had it happen once wer mony was bought up every time. That family neva saw me again.

  34. One should do family background check before marrying someone.
    This is the price you get when you marry someone with little education , jobless and depend on you as if you are the savior.
    In some cases especially marrying a country girl with kids from his past relationship and she belongs to a big family who werent self sufficient, the foreigner would be living miserably.
    They might abuse you by asking you to help them financially.

  35. anything like this, and anything else that smells fishy i terminate in the birth process. doesn’t stand a chance with me. and no, i’m not necessarily diplomatic about it either. if people have the audacity to try something with me, they get served, but not what they wanted. yeah i know, big tough words, but i just so happen to not be desperate to live here so if i one day get reported for having the spine to stand up for myself i’ll be happy to leave this country on my own volition. Love your content, Reekay. greetings from a Norwegian

  36. Sorry but not all filipinos are like that ..we came from poor family and we also have american brother and law and he was the one who invite us and gave everything he qant to share us..we never asked anything from him because we are not mapagsamantala and we have this hiya on ourselves..we are all educated and we know whats not good

    1. who is it that said, “ALL filipinas are.. “? not me. listen more carefully. don’t assume. listen. meanwhile, you have to agree that “some” filpinas are like that. if you can’t accept that, you are dodging reality. meanwhile, “many” filipinas are very good women.. loyal, loving and good wife/mother to their family.

  37. If they are the wife’s relatives, it’s her job to never let them in. If she can’t control them, call the police. The question is, is the dog wagging his tail or the tail wagging the dog? Who is the man of the house? Time to be aggresively confrontational. One of my friends solved his problem of freeloading relatives in Peru by having only 2 plates, glasses, knives, forks, spoons and only 2 chairs at the dinner table.

  38. Not happened to me her family love me but don’t throw themselves at me like that they all leave they are not like this with my relationship I never loan they all work and own there own homes and I will never ever be in a situation like this anyway I looked into the background of her whole family way before I married do your homework or get like this guy said

  39. Hehehe I understand exactly where you are coming from, I personally decided to rent only a small boarding so no possible chance of that happening now or in the future. I am lucky that my possible future wife is the oldest sibling and so she will be top dog and let the younger one’s know that they cannot take advantage !
    Concerning cousins and older relatives – hmmmm we will cross that bridge when it arrives but you soon learn who are the one’s that will want to take advantage from experience before you tie the knot so to speak from family gatherings (A good trick is not to drink alcohol around any of her family ever, difficult i know for some but that stops them trying to bond with you !)

  40. When you married pilipino your marrying the whole tribe.lol
    and more…..if they don’t get what they want they’ll kill u. It happens to my father who come back in a coffin. So becareful who u mingle. after all it happen in other country too.

  41. I dont think all filipino are like that some relatives will come to your place just to see the relatives i dont think they will ask for money i guess you just lucky to experience that to your wife relatives and other sides its up to you if you will agree to give or not i guess its your own exprience saying they came to your house everyday Im not agree sorry

  42. Just make sure when they come through the door say Thank god your here just in time i need too borrow a lot of money to pay back the loan on the house or we are going to get kicked out tomorrow LOL

    1. personally, i would highly suggest you and your gal relocate to any island north of mindanao. but do your research on marawi and then decide.

  43. This happens only to the less economically privileged family. Unfortunately, many Filipinas who “hunt” caucasians (to improve her life) belong to this group and they think that all white guys are millionaires capable of supporting her family. And in the Philippines (esp in the rural areas) family means till the second and third cousins! And it is in the rural culture that when couples marry, husbands should support her family (whether or not you’re foreigner or local) up to your financial capacity (you have to say enough!). Educated and in the middle to upper economic strata women, will not let her relatives do that to you. She helps them herself (she earns money and able to help her needy relatives). Unfortunately these women dont “hunt” caucasians, they fall in love with colleagues, just like in your country.

  44. it boggles my mind how nobody, not filipinos in the US, not filipinos in the Philippines, can explain to you what to expect in a relationship with a filipina until after you have the experience. It’s not a scam if it happens more than once and you give them the money.

  45. I dated one girl online and never did meet her in person. I wanted to build a house there in the Philippines rather than renting. I was looking around and GenSan had the cheapest land to purchase and she kept wanting to buy land in Davao City which was way more expensive. I had the intention of building a house and opening a gaming cafe in the future but that was all shot to hell but in the end I didn’t lose any money so I’m good. Hopefully I’ll find someone that has the same reasoning as myself.

  46. NO is NO…..show them the door. tell them the truth…..be respectful and tell them they have leave and can not spend the night. it is not my responsibility to give them transport money, etc……they must understand that “leaning” on someone is rude and that is not tolerated in your home.

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