Breaking Up, in the Philippines ; 2of2

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53 comments

  1. Back a few years when I was in the beginning of a relationship, started after 2 years of online chat, I made a lucky choice, and did not accept her offer to move in to her house. Instead I rented a studio apartment for a month. Whereupon she was almost moved in before I realized it. For me it was to be a month of discovery of our compatibility ( we were not compatible ). Anyway to the point, if you move in with a Filipina you have in her mind committed to the relationship, as though you were married. So good video as always Henry, and I am thinking this reality should be on anyone’s mind before living together as that is well past dating.

    1. Yah, living together is a big step (to me) even back in the States.  But much more so here, from the Filipinas viewpoint.  It’s a decision that has to be weighed out very carefully before pulling the trigger on that move.

    1. April and I officially broke up as a couple recently.  But we still meet every so often for a movie or lunch.  We’re up against some difficult choices and circumstances so, we’ve decided to remain good friends.

  2. Good video Henry! I wish more people would just be patient, take their time, don’t rush things, and THINK before doing. I believe in your 7-12 month rule of REALLY getting to know someone before making a decision that will greatly impact both lives involved forever. BTW, looks like your losing weight.. Focus & Determination my friend..:)

    1. I don’t have a scale so I don’t know if I’m losing weight.  Usually I gain weight while in a relationship and lose weight when single/alone.

  3. Not so sure I totally agree with you here Henry. When you say
    you should be up front and tell the girl what your looking for, it’s
    not quite that easy. Let’s say your looking for a “wife” or a long term
    lover-which is fine, but what if you want to have a little fun along the
    way ??? The only way to know if she’s a long term keeper, is really
    to spend some time with her-right ??? Also if you tell her up front
    your just looking for some “fun” or companionship, your not going
    to have a chance to meet a great long term lover or a future wife,
    because a good honest genuine girl would not go out with you. If
    you know your just “only” looking for a good time, then I agree with U.
    Why would you want to limit your possibilities??? In other words
    you can’t really know if she’s the type of girl your looking for, until you
    spend some time with her. After you’ve been dating her, if you can
    see that she’s not a good long term potential mate, then you can just
    turn that relationship into more of a fun companionship type of one.
    You just have to be careful not to string her along for to long, and move
    on, and go into damage control, and be compassionate with her, when
    you decide to finally end it. ( or she may be the one ending it as well)
         I do however totally agree with you on breaking up with a girl, for
    various reasons. Firstly as you say, why not do it in a kind and empathetic
    way, so she’s not hurt or devastated even more than she already is. Also,
    secondly, for self preservation–why not limit the risk of damage to yourself
    from her friends or siblings, that just may way to deliver some payback to U.
    If she’s really bitter, and you’ve treated her badly–you can be sure that she’ll
    tell all her friends and family–and it could lead to trouble !!!

    1. The hard part about being either vague or silent about one’s intentions here is that, in the absence of stating things clearly at the outset.. the assumption from the Filipina is that you will ONLY be dating her and her alone for the purpose of some courtship and marriage.  It’s nothing at all like Western dating.  These girls, especially the good ones, want to get married and avoid the whole reputation of several men in their life.  So, while it’s not fool-proof, being up front at least minimizes any misunderstandings that the ‘date’ is somehow just a precept to a wedding proposal.

  4. I see a lot of similarities of how things were in the 50s and 60s here in America and how things are in the Philippines presently.

    I think that’s my attraction.

  5. Hello Henry, you really is so diplomatic in the way you talk about the things, but yes i agree with the most and i also know about relations where the girl start the “war” when the guy ends it and we talk about killings as worths, some girls dont accept the rejections in the relation, or even she try to harm a other girl if the guy is seeing a new girl. so yes it can be ugly…..

    1. There is a very dark, vigilante side to the PH that everyone who lives here knows about, but few talk about openly.  Things can get very dark when emotions run high.  It’s best to seek the most peaceful (yet effective) exit plan possible here.

  6. Just tell them you have an incurable contagion disease that anyone who comes into intimate contact will darkened their skin and flattens the nose. Jump on your scooter and ride like the wind. If you still fill guilty after a few months you can send them a box of whitening creams.

    1. @cnuicu Easy Farrakhan. there was nothing racist about his comment. it was just describing a horrible disease that no one wants to get.to keep the woman from chasing you.
       

    1. @Grant Bedard
      Neat, thanks!  I just put up a Three Stooges clip on CUTECATFAITH, the other channel here.  You might like that.  On Dailymotion under LisaFalour, it’s more French, and some clips, I speak in French, such as on the radio for Radio France when a guest.  xo

    2. @slobomotion
      – good post here Lisa- very informative. I never knew conditions were
      like that in France. You learn something new every day. I subscribed
      to your channel. ( Grant in Canada)

    3. As for the US, I’ve seen with myself and friends everything from property damage to outright death threats and.. until there’s a body on the ground, most police staff just wave it off as, “it’s only a domestic dispute, just ignore it”.

    4. I’m saying that avoiding escalation is a better path.  Otherwise, a ‘war’ does lead to property damage, and in the PH.. can lead to much worse.

  7. As with all relationships that come to an end, someone always gets hurt. From my own observation of Filipina’s, they are looking for a good man who won’t cheat and is a provider. One of the most important things to them is being able to help their family. Which is something I admire greatly about them. So I can imaging that losing the guy who could have provided security and better future in a very tough economy could be a difficult thing to face and could be met with resistance. Especially when she has invested time and given herself in other ways.With that said, sometimes it just doesn’t work out. Not everyone is meant to be.    

    Henry, Thank you for all the time you put into making these videos for us. I have been watching for a while and look forward to seeing new videos as they upload. Thanks for all the good work. 

  8. agree with amicable breakups. seems it would be hard to still see and just be friends with April at this point. maybe you didn’t have a lot of pain since it was a relatively short relationship. sometimes it’s best out of sight out of mind and find other girls to hang out with. move on totally.

    1. If either of us begins to see other people, which is inevitable unless we reconcile.. then it would be too painful to be near each other and see that.  For now, we’re both just sort of non-committed to anyone.

  9. Really enjoy your topics in these videos. Glad I spent some time in Asia as a younger man and have first hand experience with this issues. You bring up a lot of memories for me and I am glad that now I am just going there for the beach life. Really looking forward to meeting you and having a good ole chin wag, hope you are still in Dumaguete come September. The way things are going here in the states, I can’t wait to leave.

  10. Wow I used to think that people who moved to Phils had it made as far as the dating scene. but it sounds like if you live there as opposed to just visiting the stakes are higher. And if things go bad they go really bad. I’m not liking the idea of pissing a girl off and then father uncle or cousin shows up at your house.

  11. Reekay, I’ve learned a ton of information from your videos. It’s so detailed, when I chat Filipinas now they swear I’ve been to their country already. And your views are unbiased and logical. Keep up the good work. I have a trip planned for August I can’t wait to explore.

    1. +Reginald Nedd I couldn’t agree with you more, Reginald! I did “disobey” one piece of Reekay’s advice. Chatting with Filipinas more than 3 months before I was to arrive there. (This coming January, I’ll be in Manila and then Boracay)… It’s kind of bitten me in the butt because I’ve put myself in a situation where I’ll be with just one woman. But I’m pretty much okay with that. She’s very likable and who knows? I’m looking forward to it.

  12. I bet every filipino family have a machete 27 inch and up…in their house.
    your right Henry dont stir trouble up bcs they will come after you with what they got either a machete or threaten you with a handgun which most of the in the filipines are unregistered

  13. My buddy was in the Navy during Viet Nam, serving on a carrier. When they made port in the Philippines it was some epic times. Two things about Filipinas, they always knew before the crew did when the ship was coming back to port. And if you were with one, you better be with her when you hit port again. If she saw you with somebody else she would cut you. Very jealous women from what I’m told, but they are worth it. LBFM’s!!!!

  14. Breaking up in the Philippines is like declaring war against the girl’s family and clan…You gotta ease her down to it……Then take the fast boat and pray that the family don’t catch up with ya!!!! HA!Ha!Ha! lol!!!!!

  15. Iv had plenty filipinas telling me they prefer us foreign guys cause we treat them better. Theres tons of mothers there and the guy has taken off as soon as they knw the girl is pregnant!! Too much of that there then they off to another country as house maids . Leaving there babies to there mom or relatives

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