Age Gap Relationships: Misconceptions, 1of4 – Philippines

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124 comments

  1. A 4-part series on the issue of age-gap relationships between older Expat men and younger Filipina women in the Philippines.  This section discusses:  Misconceptions.  

    1. +LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines here’s an age gap relationship in the USA where the woman is older and the man is younger by 30 years. And would you believe it the guy’s first name happens to be Henry?

      “A St. Louis couple with a 30-year age gap found love when a text message sent to the wrong number sparked a relationship.Kasey Bergh, then 53, mistakenly contacted Henry Glendening in 2012 when she was stuck in Denver with work. When the then-23-year-old courteously replied, their love story started, according to The St. Louis Post-Dispatch.”http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/st-louis-couple-wed-thanks-errant-text-message-article-1.2380954

    2. I agree. That is what I am doing. I visited my boyfriend for 4 months between October last year and February this. He lives in Dumaguete. We will start living together in Bacong when I arrive back from the UK in a few weeks’ time. I am looking forward to this new life. 

    3. Sounds like an excuse 🙂
       Its youre life and you only live once. Go for it if you feel both comfortable and happy.Thats the important thing in life.

  2. Henry, the question I have is are these young Filipina wives physically attracted to their older (50-70+) husbands, or is physical attraction not high on their list of requirements? 

    1. @Grant Bedard Women in North America watch too many movies and television shows. That’s where their ideas are shaped. They also read too many pop, celebrity or fashion magazines which shape and influence their minds. That is why there is a big problem in reality. Even those reality shows that they show are not real for most ordinary average working people. Most of those people in those reality TV shows are rich beyond comparison to any normal ordinary average working person.   

    2. @luis ortiz  Check this study done –>
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_disparity_in_sexual_relationships

      My parents are also 10 years apart. My father is 10 yrs older than my mother. There are a lot of families here in the Philippines where the age gap is fairly significant between husband and wife as mentioned by Michelle, her parents are 16 years apart (If I am not mistaken, correct me Michelle if I am wrong.).  

      Historically, unequal pairings are quite common, if not the rule. In Classical Greece, men would typically marry around the age of thirty, and would take wives in their mid-teens, around half their age. Men in positions of prestige or power have often taken young women as lovers or wives. Similarly, women of influence have also initiated relationships with younger men.

      Monarchs have traditionally exercised the freedom to choose younger spouses; Henry VIII, for instance, chose women far younger than himself as some of his wives, and a number of female monarchs have chosen younger consorts. Sultans from the Middle-East maintained entire harems of much younger women.

      In keeping with modern American mores, a folk formula (sometimes referred to as the Trophy Rule) seems to have evolved so as to compute correct disparities of age between older and younger partners, this being “divide by two and add seven”, that is, the younger partner in a relationship should be at least seven years older than half the older partner’s age, else the relationship is liable to be subject to moral disapprobation.

      Fertility and evolutionary psychology
      Women generally begin to lose fertility as they enter their late twenties, and lose it completely after menopause, while men remain almost fully fertile until much later in life. Evolutionary psychology suggests that people are more likely to be attracted to people who look like they might be fertile. Certainly, anyone deliberately looking for a mate to breed with must pick someone of an age of likely fertility. Now if you don’t want to have children and just want to sow wild oats then you can marry an older hot woman like Demi Moore but it will be pretty hard to have children once an older woman is near menopause age. That’s a fact.

    3. @luis ortiz Hey, it’s happened in the U.S.  Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore were once married. Demi Moore was 42 and Ashton was 27.  By the way if you were looking to be a gigolo here for young women, good luck. Most young women here don’t want dead beat fathers or young men without money neither. The majority of the population here are poor so they want to get out of poverty and most of the women want to own a nice house and have a nice car. They want a man (old or young) who they can love and who will love them back but also one that can support a family and provide the necessities of life here in the Philippines. If you noticed, the Philippines is not like Europe or America because most of the wages here are very low. Minimum wage here is like 9 dollars A DAY not per hour. Unless you’re a young guy with lots of money or has parents that are loaded, you won’t find much here.  And the problem here is there is no divorce so if the woman is caught cheating, the husband files charges of adultery then she loses out on alimony and her dreams of a house, car and spousal support or spousal pension will be gone. So it’s tough luck for hard up young guys here. This is NOT the United States.

    4. @Anastasia Ivanova Correct. Brad Pitt is over 50, Keanu Reeves just recently turned 50 as well, Johnny Depp is also over 50 yrs old, Tom Cruise is 52 yrs old as well. There are many others. I am over 50 and met my wife when she was 21.  The problem with younger men is that a lot of them do not want to commit to a monogamous relationship, some of them have no financial means to support a family. There are young men without any means of financial support that might be good potential partners however, how long will it last? If you are willing to go to work and support the family and let your house husband stay at home to care for your children then it’s alright I guess but are you really earning that much? Yes, both of you can work and provide for the family. Sometimes, it works for a few years or maybe it can last forever. Look at the divorce rate now. And look at how many are still not satisfied in their present situation even if they are young couples, something in their minds is still saying that something is still missing in their lives. There are exceptions but in reality, choosing a partner in life is always a gamble regardless of the age gap. I believe in some countries, the ratio of men to women is disproportionate. In some countries, there are more eligible (straight heterosexual) men than women (non-lesbian) within the same age bracket and in some countries there are more women (non lesbian) than (straight heterosexual) men in the same age bracket. From that demographics, you will then have to figure out which ones are your type, financially capable, better looking, educated enough or skilled, physical endowment, penis size? etc etc. Then you will be left with a few to choose from. With that, now, look at yourself. What is your competition with other women? Are there other women better looking than you? Are they nicer, classier, sexier, talented, etc etc. Look at the odds then be honest with yourself. The world has not really changed much since 200 or 500 years ago. The world is still run by men whether you believe it or not. Despite feminism on the rise, the world is still run by men. Most of all high powered positions in government and military are occupied by men. Some of the most powerful people on earth are still men.

      Try looking for a younger man that would go to work and support you and your kids while you stay at home. Believe me, Ive seen so many young couples end in divorce. When I was 22 yrs old, I had a girlfriend about the same age, we lived together for 3 months but had been together for two years. Guess what? We split up. You can’t match same age relationships unless the guy is mature in the head and has financial means to support a family. There aren’t many young men out there that are wealthy or financially capable to support a family and want to settle down with just one woman yet. Most young wealthy or financially able men want to play the field and jump from one woman to another or have plenty of girlfriends since he knows he’s rich and well off. That’s just how it is. Unless you want to be another number in a rich young playboys phone book, you have to look elsewhere. That’s just the world we live in. In the many years I have lived, that is what I have learned. Human behaviour is not far from animal behaviour. It is mostly predatory. What separates us from the animals is our belief in a God.

    5. @E CABen that is true. Some men do look good in their fifties. Nevertheless, I feel that it is unfair for a sixty year old to even consider/look in the sexual way at a twenty something year old woman. These women haven’t lived yet and they need to feel passion and love that a grandfather age men can not provide. Maybe there are some exceptions to that thought, but that is how I feel. 

  3. I disagree with your assertions about older  western women not venturing abroad for younger men.

    Post-menopausal western women are treated like the goddesses they aspire to be here in the Arab gulf countries.

    I know several western women over 50 who have married Sri Lankan guys in their early 20s

    Others go to places like Bali for hookups with the local surfer dudes

    And if you really want a laugh

    Google: Kenya gigolos

    1. I agree, there are ‘some’ older women out there looking for a boy-toy they can control due to age and purse-strings.  But how many young men will enjoy being submissive over the years?  It’s not in a man’s nature to ‘follow’ a woman’s lead, imo.  I’ve seen maybe less than a dozen older (white) women in the PH looking for a young filipino to have around.  And of those, some were lesbians with a young filipina.

  4. If two people get married for the purpose of starting a family, it’s best if they’re younger than 35, and closer in age, the idea being that they need to be there to support the children until the kids are old enough to take care of themselves. 

    1. This support can be there even if the woman is pregnant in her 39-45
      And also a man has to be not older than 55 as if he is older than his kids won’t have his dad long enough.

  5. Some of the early homesteaders who came to Montana in the 1910-20 era would establish a farm and then find a woman to marry after a number of years when their farms were established. My friend wrote a book about his grandfather who went back to Norway to get a 20 year old wife when he was 41.  They had 16 children over 22 years and 90 years later there are many grandchildren and great grandchildren as a result of that happy union. Age differences in marriage are cultural issues and not moral issues. 

    1. I agree that a “much older man” is not always the best choice.   But if he is a businessman rather than a wage earner is highest earning years are after age 50 and sometimes continue till death if you count investments.  My parents homesteaded the land out here in Montana. They started with nothing and  they were still poor at age 60. However they but were rich when they died decades after that. Three of them lived to age 93…One grandpa married a girl of 17 when he was 26 after being sweethearts for 3 years. My grandmother on my mothers side was a couple years older than grandfather but the marriage was not overly close even though they raised three children together.
        Courting a woman half my age would seem weird to me too.  I have heard half your age plus seven years is an absolute minimum age for a man. Not sure that is a solid guideline.  However at age 60 I don’t think I would want to date someone that young…37.  Since I am happily married that is not an issue for me.  

      Do think think that a very young woman is “not the equal” of an older man? I am not sure that is true.  I think a very young woman like age 22 or 25 has not had the life experiences to be compatible with me. And….it would take her more years than that to get a good education and some post-school experiences as well. But everyone is different and we are dealing with cultural and social issues rather than moral issues on age differences I believe.

       

    2. Well, your comments show some real problems in reading comprehension.  When I said marrying for love outside of approval of family or consideration of a ability to provide for the woman is a  historical anomaly….You understood me to say “marrying out of love is an anomaly.” Clearly you didn’t read the post carefully enough to rationally comment on it, nor can I respond other than to point out your lack of comprehension. A good marriage has multiple facets…economic security support of family and love.  Often love follows marriage in arranged marriages…not that I am advocating them.’ Love’ is not just a giddy feeling women get, it involves commitment, support and nurture from the man as well.
                                                                                    You ask:
      Why do women die earlier if they marry older men?    Is it natural? you ask. It is a statistic….does that make it natural?  How can someone respond to question of that quality?   I might point out that women seem to die younger if they marry a younger man too (more than 7 years).   Does that make it unnatural?   How does someone answer a question like that?  You sound like a person with a social science background rather than a hard science background.  A lot of statements  that are not really verifiable and a lot of questions that are not answerable.
      Perhaps the best answer would be that historically (last 5,000 years of recorded history) women have been younger across most cultures;  This may define what is “natural.”

      Then…there is the attempt at making an analogy between the existence of internet and cars and historic norms of age difference in marriage.  That really doesn’t work does it?   Nope. On a number of different levels they are not analogous.
      Marriages with older men have many thousands of years as the norm, while high tech machines have existed only a few years.   Nice try but no cigar.

      And…the cave man insult.   Is that the best you can do? Are you fostering good interaction and communication?  

    3. Yes….historically most women married men older than themselves….often 5-6 years.  The present day picture you paint of same age marriage and women having jobs outside of the home is a historical anomaly. 

      For many women, in many cultures mature men who are finacially established are found attractive rather than unattractive. Marrying for “love” without approval of family or consideration of a mans ability to provide is also a historical anomaly. And how has it worked in 20th and 21st western culture?   Not very well if you look at the statistics.

      You appear to be arguing with facts which are stubborn entities!

    4. Historically the age gap was much greater.  What we have now is a historical anomaly. The women on homesteads did work very hard.  Helping with farming, caring for larger families, canning and drying food.  Homestead women worked much harder than women do today.

    5. If that estimate is true, that is a significant average age difference, especially with a  shorter average life span and earlier age of first marriage.  I wonder what the average age difference is now?

    1. thank you so much for making wonderful and very informative videos. well its not all ways good sometimes have misunderstanding to but we can talk about it. thumbs up for you.

  6. Henry you impressed me everyday with your thinking ….i am waiting for your videos everyday …thanks so much …how i can send you email i just register in your website but i still do not know how send privet email to you.

  7. Yes, yes, yes,… Oh wait, you might have been a bit low on your percentage of divorce in America. But everything else you said sounded like it was coming right out of my mouth. Even the part about studying relationships. As a 50 year old man I have dated as young as 18 and as old as 71. Age doesn’t matter!

    I will watch the next three parts to this subject and I hope you do talk about sex. After all it is one of the three primary reasons for divorce! Without a good healthy sex life in a relationship the two become room mates. If one of the partners has needs not being met at home they will find it some place else. Doing so will more than likely lead to divorce. Talking about such topics is hard for many to hear due to our Puritan background and the fact that the truth sometimes hurts. But you have a way of being so tactful with touchy topics. Keep up the great work!

  8. You just have to agree that you do not agree with each other… – Happy with the emotional circus that life offers since 1993 with my Philippina. Best regards from Stockholm Sweden

  9. A Filipina woman wants you to be a MAN 24/7, whereas a Western woman wants you to be her b#tch most of the time…unless she can’t handle something, then she wants you to “step up like a man.”

    What older men and younger women have in common, especially NON-WESTERN younger women and older men have in common, is that the non-western woman WANTS the man to be a man 24/7.  The Western woman wants you to be a man only when she can’t afford to be selfish and self serving.  Yes, the Western woman never tells her mate to “act like a woman” when sh#t gets tough, she says the opposite, which is in complete contradiction to the false doctrine of gender equality that she claims to follow.

    The divorce rate in America is sky high because the women here refuse to submit to their husbands, and it really is that simple.  

    1. @Glenn Gipson You know, I can honestly say that I got ridiculed and still have problems within this country for being soft, nice, feminine but that will never steer me away from being together. I know what kind of man I want and what kind of man I need. I figured that out with my current boyfriend. He’s the type of guy that loves to take charge and get things done and I love to let him do it. The way he treats me is the way I’ve always known that I should be treated. I was told by an ex that my expectations were unrealistic and that kind of man doesn’t exist. Well me and my boyfriend has been together a year and everything fits. It’s almost like he answers the questions in my heart without me having to reveal them. It’s weird. But the point is he is very much a masculine man and I love that. It’s something I wouldn’t dream of taking away.

  10. LOL  I love this.  I agree with the first part of misconceptions.  We see how our ( americans) idea of what a ” good marrying age difference” is.  My last wife was 8 years younger. It lasted 15 years before she stepped out on me.  My first marriage we were 2 years apart.  That didn’t  work.  My present wife is 28 years younger than me, and we are doing GREAT.  I believe it is the culture she was raised in, and her morals.  We both have the same goals and interests.  I had dated ALOT online before I met her, and that was terrible.  Just keep your head about you, and don’t pick with your little “friend”. 

  11. The two groups that seem to be the most adverse to older men having relations with younger women are older women and young males. I wonder if their own vanity and insecurities cause this angst? Do these same people carry as much fervor against same sex marriage or do they feel more threatened on a personal level?

    1. @luis ortiz What??? You don’t love your grandma????? There you go….you’re cut out of her inheritance. LOL……

      By the way….it’s suppose to be the other way around. Now if your young then don’t worry about it for now and wait until you get older. By then you will figure out  who you want to marry unless you get married before that with someone close to your age. By then, when both of you get older, you will take a look at the other men with younger wives and start to wonder what happened. Well, like you said you love your wife when you married her.  

    2. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Very true. I’ve dealt with all kinds of racism myself, since I also migrated to the U.S. and Canada in the mid 70’s. I’ve had racial slurs or nasty comments flung at me left and right when I went out with white girls just to embarrass me or put me down. And to top if off, I also had a hard time trying to get a good job that paid equal but mostly available jobs during my formative years were factory, restaurant help, labour intensive low income jobs while I was in college. Obviously, I can see the reasons why too. I was not stable, had no future, was still in school, no money, struggling to make ends meet and definitely was not ready. I had a rough time basically because as an immigrant in another country, I always felt that most financial opportunities were meant for families that are higher in the socio-economic ladder and that were more stable financially (i.e. Investment capital for business, owned a small business, owned a house, etc). I lived with my mother and both of us were just working in low income jobs at the time, at most times working two to three low income part time jobs just to pay rent, put clothes on our backs, shoes on our feet and put food on the table until later on when the internet was commercialized and AOL became popular. I went back to college and studied Information Technology. I got a decent paying job but I was already too old (early 40’s) to even find someone that I would be attracted to. With the kind of experience I already had with a lot of western women, I found it difficult to even get into relationships with women that I wasn’t even attracted to. I did not consider myself good looking but just average looking. I was not ugly but not good looking neither. Just average but I wasn’t looking for the best looking or the gorgeous perfect woman neither. Just someone that I could be attracted to physically at least for me to get an instant erection but it was difficult due to my age. You are right about men because for me, there had to be a physical attraction first otherwise there was no reason for me to be with someone I wasn’t attracted to because there would be no sex involved. It would be just having a room-mate. Reason I am saying this is, I am not DEAD yet and I still wake up with a hard on at times so I know, my libido is there but only works with certain women. I’ve tried to have sexual relations with other less attractive women but found it difficult to achieve an erection. It is possible that my mind got affected due to my past experiences. I had enough one night stands or short flings with attractive women. I was only responding to women that were either too loose or stripper type women in Canada and they weren’t the best types that would even look at me neither as relationship material. Just basically more on either a business (me paying for sexual services) or sexual relationship (like a f*ck buddy). So I had to look somewhere else but I knew that the world is round and north America isn’t the only place on earth to find attractive women. I went back to the Philippines to visit my father and also to see some old family I have not seen in a long time. Then through coincidence, I met my wife and have not looked back since.  

    3. The judging of others will always be a futile detractor for people who struggle with their own unhappiness. Have you ever met a person that was truly happy care about someone else’s business when it caused no harm? Our technology, as much as I appreciate it, is fueling prejudice more than I think it is enlightening the masses.  Regardless if overseas age-gap relationships work more than they fail, doesn’t this migration prove that there is something wrong in Western Society? 

    4. Those two groups, older Western women and younger Western men, are the most vocal against age-gap relationships.  The younger men feel they can “offer her more” and have no qualms about becoming a home-wrecker.  The older women are jealous their feminism can’t compete with real love, plus they hate her youth and beauty.  It’s really sad, but prejudice didn’t die with the end of slavery.  Some people just have too much hatred for someone else’s happiness to mind their own business.

  12. I really think there’s a lot to be said of “opposite’s attract”. Example
    I would love it if I could find a woman who could play guitar and sing,
    which I cannot do at all. That would intrigue me. Maybe also a woman
    that was scientific and had a great knowledge of the biology of mankind,
    of which I only know the basics–it would be good to learn from her. There
    are many differences that can fascinate you about the other person and
    keep you interested, and you can learn a lot from her. If your so much alike,
    I don’t think it’s a formula for success as Henry says. Personally I would
    like to find a woman that has character traits in some areas that are quite
    different from mine. I admire people that have talent in areas that I don’t have,
    and that can make life interesting. Look at all the dating companies making
    millions these days, trying to match people ??? There has never been a time
    in the history of mankind where there are so many single people-it’s a crisis.

  13. F…ing A Henry, My vote for best youtube video’s of the year. Really got to have a face to face when I get there. Should be an interesting conversation.

  14. Henry, I can only say that you are 100% correct in how you analyze and observe relationships, especially when you discuss the online dating in America and that compatibility on paper means nothing and how you emphasize the definition of marriage as what matters as opposed to how many similarity-boxes one can check off in an online dating website and think lots of similarities lead to a great relationship. I love your videos, not just because you focus on the Philippines but because your observations are so true.

  15. HI HENRY,
     I had lived up and down from the 93 in Thayland and there the people  don’t care about gaps they care just about love and money 🙂 
    thanks for you videos all the best

    1. Like most people, I had no intention of remarrying, only marrying once.  However the first time I married was at age 19 with my 19 year old girlfriend.  We stuck it out for 10 years but in the end, it did not work out.  

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Robust works fine for me and no prescription needed and is also over the counter. Two pills and it works like magic. Get it at Mercury Drugstore, the corner sari-sari store even at 7/11 and Mini-Stop.  

  16. It makes sense to find someone “compatible”.  I was on a dating site and found a girl who was like my exact double.   And when we dated it was immediately noticeable that we were completely wrong for each other!  We were both bored…

  17. In my agaenda age dwosent matter i have 5 years with my wife here in Hagonoy  the secret money money talks the rests walks   once you have the green here youre king here im lucky i found a one in a million girl ahea a homebody person very sweet and kind very smart and educated  lets say im shrek and shes the princess .

  18. I come from a broken family unit and at times its hard to understand  about family unity  family unity is real not fake i guess im like this because of our backgrounds and i dont get the unity here i want so badly my own family with my wife but it is beautiful here i come to love it here maybe ill retire  later on in life once we have our kids.. I love my wife eternally.

  19. Age means nothing.  Both my grandparents had large age differences: 20 years and 14 years.  They were both married for life.  My longest relationship was with someone that I had little in common with, except for respect and love for each other.  Americans are clueless to be so obsessed with age.  

  20. I had a long-term friendship, almost a relationship, with a man 39 years my senior.  I still miss him — he died.  But when he remarried, I withdrew politely.  Good video!  Uprated.  (He liked that people thought I was his young mistress.  He found that amusing, and I didn’t mind.)

    1. I have a Filipina friend like that.  She is 29 years younger than me, but we’ve been good, platonic friends for almost 2 years now.  I enjoy her company whenever we can hang out together.  People think she’s my g/f at times, but we know we’re just friends.  For me, it’s nice knowing I can be with her and not have the same issues/politics that come with a sexual relationship.  Just a good friend I can be with.

  21. Another great post Henry : )
    Love the comment regarding the replica woman
    of yourself..reminds me of the Seinfeld episode
    where Jerry finds himself meeting a woman
    who is a mirror of personality as his own.
    Hilarious!

  22. I’m turning 16 this December. And he’s 27. I like him. And he said he likes me too. He love me and I love him too. But do you think we should care on what other people will say about us? Do think it is the right thing to do not to continue this relationship because our relationship will be like you and me against the world? He said that we should not continue this because he doesn’t want me to get hurt. And he said that this is also for me. Because he doesn’t want me to hear a lot of negative things. Do you think he can still wait for me? What should I do? We still communicate but I need to wait for 2 years so that atleast my looks will be a bit matured. But do you think a guy like him can still wait for me? What we should do?

    1. Absolutely it is illegal under Philippines law to have any kind of sexual relations with anyone under the age of 18. It is even illegal to to be with – whether in public or private – a minor, unless the minor is accompanied by a parent or legal guardian. The law is enforced much more strictly against foreigners than it is with Filipinos. Many Westerners have found themselves in a world of trouble because of it.

      It doesn’t matter if the girl (or boy) says they are over 18 and even produces a birth certificate or other ID to ‘prove’ it (lots of fake and borrowed documents in the Philippines – very, very easy to get). If she or he is underage, you WILL be prosecuted and jailed. Parental consent is also not a defence. Filipino parents are not legally permitted to pimp out their underage children for any kind of sexual activity, whether for money or not.

      Any Westerner who gets involved with a minor in the Philippines is foolish in the extreme, and deserves all the grief they will surely get.

      A final note. Some countries (specifically USA, UK and Australia, but there are several others) have also now made it illegal to travel outside your own country to have sex with minors under 18. This is regardless of what local laws may say about the age of consent. So when the Filipino authorities eventually finish with you, you could well find yourself dragged home and prosecuted there, too.

    2. @franchellamicu no matter what.. definitely wait until you are over 18 to even begin thinking of a relationship with him or anyone else.  finish your schooling and give yourself a chance to see what you’d like to do in life.  frankly, i could be more understanding of an older man spending time with an 18 year old but i have to question why this 27 year old is seeking out time with a 16 year old.  all in all, take the next two years to yourself and then make your bigger decisions whether to date him or not.  remember, he isn’t the only man around.  plenty more will be available when you are 18.

    1. @Matthew Murray i was an engineering tech for medical devices for 21 years.  while i’m an analytical person, my lifelong interest has always been in why people do what they do.  🙂

  23. Well on the age factor my filipina wife is 14yrs younger than me I’m mid sixty’s.she’s very happy karaoke queen.laughs jokes.works every night on her job. 13 years so far.but very warm humourus person.we are stateside now but have purchased land in batangus.for retirement.

  24. yup have to agree, one of the best girls I ever dated was 29 while I was 50, and wow did we have a good time together.  But boy was she so over jealous. yes.. pinay.

  25. you are very perceptive I have had a 25 year marriage that was happy till the end and my wife was 3 years younger
    now I am 70 and hanging out with younger woman sometimes in the 30’s and there is no question I get lots of looks comments and sneers ha ha ha its very funny since I could not care less what people think
    you are right about the dating sites one of the worst is plenty of fish they try to stop any one who they think is not age appropriate from contacted each other
    for the most part age has nothing to do with how well your relationship goes
    Richard in the tropics

  26. Wonderful video Henry….. it made me laugh so much! The best relationships I’ve had is with women I adored and didn’t understand at all! Vive l’amour! Mind you I don’t pretend to understand myself! 🙂

  27. One thing I would say on the big age difference relationships … you have a FAR greater chance of making that work as an ex-pat then you do if you take her back to the States. You take a very young woman to the states (and by young I mean under 30 … a May December where she is 30 and he is 55 or 60 is two fully-formed adults and not likely to change so much) and she is going to be immersed in things that will likely develop her into someone who is totally different than what he starts with.

    My Filipina wife and I (we are only a couple months apart – she’s older) have watched a bunch of Fil-Ams couple go thru the whole mess … all too often it seems obvious that what he wanted was someone who was very beautiful AND more controllable than the American women who’d made his life Hell in the past and she was bedazzled by the mature guy who’d help her family, had a house, job, a fully built lifestyle, and security.

    When the honeymoon wears off and she sees her husband in a real light … a combination of boredom, loneliness, homesickness, a sense of being imprisoned by someone who often would NOT do anything to let her off a tight leash, maybe a lack of equal “energy” by her older husband for adventure in and out of the bedroom or with taking care of their household, and sometimes being introduced to bad-influence Filipina friends … almost invariably leads to real strife and often divorce. We’ve seen a lot of hard times come to people.

    In fact, the only May December we know that really seems to be working is with a couple where you’d never guess his age (he looks, thinks, and acts a lot younger than his years) and she is very mature for her age … and both are religiously extreme and pretty focused on their mutual crusades. The one real problem they had was in losing their first child to cancer … and that kind of grief often destroys the strongest marriages. They seem to be okay now, though.

    1. @Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea Thank you both for your input and insight. Until I read this reply just now I had been “racking” my brain to figure out what I had done wrong to cause my wife of three months to become indifferent toward me. We live in southern Illinois which is not heavily populated. At the small malls and grocery stores, I have noticed her uneasiness to be with at times. I was too naive to see that it was the prejudice of others towards us–I’m 68 and she is 29. She arrived here on a K-1 visa at the end of September 2018. She was so excited to come here and find work to support her family back home. She had been working for the past ten years in mostly Manila and before that in Pangasinan Province where she grew up.

      The words: “bored, lonely, and homesick” leaped out at me in this reply. It is exactly what my wife is experiencing now. Family and friends from California and Nevada have hosted her during November and December. Now, she is in CA, again, with my blessing, to try to find work there. She may work at Jollibee soon and possibly at a bank there.

      Honestly, her indifference toward me unless she wants to check on our finances or she needs something sucks. It was like that somewhat before she visited her uncle in CA in November, but it was worse after she returned from NEV on December 27th. From December 6th to January 6th,. No sex after having it every day (with exception of it at motel on December 27th).

      We hardly talk with one another (for at lleast the last month) and that does not seem to bother her at all.

      I appreciate any input that you all would have

      N

    2. @MrBabylonandon i absolutely agree.. the dynamics change drastically (for the worse) when a man takes his filipina bride to his home country. in the ph, the dynamics encourage they stay together, her family reminds her to be a good wife. and while the man is the “desired commodity”, he’s older and hopefully has set aside his wild ways. but expecting a young, beautiful filipina to be the center of attention in a new land and stay faithful while feeling either bored, lonely and/or homesick.. it’s just not in the cards most of the time. many exceptions, i’ll grant that. but it’s despite the situation, not because of it. in my view, much better to marry a filipina and live in the PH. that puts the odds in favor of sustaining a happy marriage.

    3. @MrBabylonandon One thing I am real happy about – after 14 years, my bride doesn’t do Tampo any more. She gets mad and the second we are out of earshot of other people, she lets me have it with both barrels. No shyness or refusal to argue there at all.

  28. This age has to be close ideal is not even 100 years old, before that anywhere in the World age was of no importance. It’s really not anybody’s business what 2 people choose too be together because those 2 people are the ones who have to live with each other.

    You know what, I can actually give at least 3 times more reasons why a woman should be much younger than her husband, and why that will work better, than they can give me for us being within a few years in age.

    The more videos I watch on the Philippines, the more I think that is probably where I belong, because I just don’t belong here anymore. I was born in the wrong time, or at least in the wrong Country.

  29. It was truly great to come across this video. I’m 21 and my husband is 50, and my God the things that has been said to us would make anyone go crazy. Thank you for bringing up so many valid points.

    1. Hi Kelli,I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind dropping a few lines about what it was like with your hubby,y’know the age gap thing..your family’s reactions,etc,etc I’m 57 now and currently chatting with a long lady from PI (she’s 22).So I’m just trying to get a grip on some of this.thanks much. my Email asus57@gmx.com

  30. It’s ironic because even in NY where we currently live, there are so many people who claim to be open and “liberal” but seem to be the first to make ignorant comments. The two of us have the same goals in the sense of where we want our life and marriage to go, we balance each other out, yin and yang. Of course we have some things in common, but we have just as many differences. It’s true that superficial agreements in things like food, music, etc, become sort of meaningless when you look the big picture.

  31. thanks for all the great info, i have been in contact with a great young lady that is employed about 29 of 31 days of a month for the past 3 years(thats how long we have been communicating) i think for over there that is the norm, i really appreciate the video’s and the info, i really need to come visit there

  32. This problematic and not just for the obvious social reasons. Like here in Mexico older guys with money have younger women on the side, in addition to their wives. It is an open secret. But Mexicans are not so cool with Americans being with young Mexican women, and you don’t see it much. There is truth to the compatibility argument, but as you say the American women are ouright age fascists and that does not guarantee anythin. Any ages can work is up to the two people.

    1. @steve o true, and most likely you are a better version of yourself now than ‘back then’. people do change, for better or worse, over the years.

  33. Good video. I’m well aware of the age difference attitude there in the Phillipines. Even though I’ve been friends with Filipina women on FB I still have a hard time believing why they would wanna be with me. Even if I AM old enough to be their father. LOL.

    1. Reekay’s LifeBeyondTheSea how can you tell . To me this is the biggest question. I think my 27 yr old GF cares about me & were getting to know each other better . I’m 62 which is 35 yrs older & id never dream such a thing I’d even be considering having a relationship with her. But she says she’s happy & I think I am . Just some more time to learn more & hopefully we’ll be together. I’m in good health financially secure, never married & no children. I just may go for it! ✌️ another great video Reeky

    2. +cjjaxxon yes, many younger women do want a mature man who is stable emotionally and financially. but it’s their motive (love or money) that makes all the difference.

  34. Very good video, Americans do have a strange fixation on marrying someone who is very close to their age.  Age is nothing but a number.  There is NOTHING wrong with dating or marrying a woman who is a lot younger than you are.  Middle aged woman in America are jealous when they see a middle aged guy dating or married to a woman who is a lot younger than he is.  Some middle aged guys are jealous too, when they meet a guy who is their age and is dating or married to a much younger woman.

    1. +maxpolaris99 for many people, the very idea of moving to a foreign country is “nutz”. or skydiving. it’s all a matter of perspective.

  35. In the longer term they will hang with each other because of the sentiment of getting together for years. That is if that young woman will not wonder what happened to her years with the old man. And she will start to look for a younger man like her age, because marriage after all is all about money and security. There is still that romantic perceptions playing in the mind of the younger one whch the older one might not be able to serve. That is only the danger part there.

    1. +Rebecca Malfroy this is where a person’s character shows. given the opportunity to abuse the situation, will they or not? will they love that person for the duration, end it soon.. or just play a charade to get what they want. while it is a prime situation with age-gap relationships, it can happen in any relationship without regard to age difference.

  36. I have been married close to 25 years. yes it is true that you don’t need to have everything in common. You do need to have many things in common or you will have issues. If you like to travel and your wife doesn’t then you have an issue. You need to share the same dreams. Then both of you can work as a team to realize those dreams.

  37. My bf and I are chatting for 1year then he decided to come here in phils. to see me and be with me.. he was 56 and I am 24 turning 25 this 15th of May. I was freaking jelous sometimes and we argue because I saw him chatting with filipina ladies who is older than me like 30 plus or something I really love him and I dont care what others people think of me because I’m with the guy who is older than me. but I dont know what to do. I’m thinking that maybe he is not serious with me because I’m very young and he wants a 35 or 40 years old filipina lady..

  38. There is no age limit in the Philippines I have mentioned this before I have seen an 18-year-old with a 85-year-old man in Cebu and I’ve been in a lot of other parts of the Philippines usually the girls are all around 18 to 25 and the men are usually between 50 to 70

  39. I would say the older man/younger woman relationship stands a far better chance of survival than the equal-age one. The equal-age one is based to a large degree on the notion of shared cultural experience (We both grew up listening to Bon Jovi and both had spring break in Cancun….kind of thing). None of that will apply with a Filippa woman.

  40. If an American woman wants to find a Filipino man, she doesn’t have to go any farther west than Hawaii. There’s a huge Filipino community in Hawaii. Both second generation Filipino-Americans and recent immigrants.
    If an American guy goes to Hawaii, there are Filipinas that are like the ones in the Philippines, of course. But most are either American or “Americanized”. And that’s great, if that’s what you want. If you want the Filipina from the Philippines type of woman, you’re logically likely to have to go to the Philippines

  41. You are 100% Correct , if they do not have the same definition of Marriage between the two of them it will NEVER work . Fantastic Video . Thank you .

  42. Me and my filapina wife are 24 years apart ….I have more in common with her than I did with my previous wife of 20 years being married and 9 months apart …..

  43. Love the sound of the roster…I’m planning to visit Dumaguete in a year and rent a house near the water along with my small dog. What beach near the City would you recommend? Salamat po.

  44. First and foremost, you need to understand WHERE these attitudes had their origins. In the 19th century US, the age of consent was 10-12, depending on the state. Men were, as always, out and about earning their fortune so that they COULD (responsibly) provide for a family. They were typically well into their late 40s to late 50s. And as always, when looking to marry, who wants beef from a cow when you can instead FEAST on Veal from a Calf!?! Hence, these men would marry (much) YOUNGER females, leaving the OLDER “cows” behind. As such, the cows began to stampede to the homes of lawmakers to get the age of consent raised… first to 13, then 16, and finally 18. And there may have been a few other “state-by-state”, rather than federal age limits in there somewhere.
    So, that’s where it comes from… WAH! The oldies didn’t like being passed up by the “gravy train”, and did something about it. Don’t believe me? WHO do you think started the whole Prohibition movement in the US? Same group. Just more of the same, but by a different name during a different time.

  45. Great prospective, “A Foreigner living in the Philippines” has a 39 year age gap. Lester is 60 and Chatmaine is 21, and they are both having their first child together.

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