(2of2) Video Diary Oct 14, 2014 – A Tempting Proposition

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192 comments

  1. +Jack Reaster   Dad sure was right!  There’s nothing wrong with “falling” for “young flesh every time.”  Don’t don’t try and play house with it.  LOL.      

  2. Henry, this lady wants you very much.  She is willing to sacrifice her kids for you.  Be a man and accept her and her kids.  This is the right thing to do.  Nothing else.  When you marry her then you marry the kids and her family as well.  If you cant accept this then this relationship is not for you.  

  3. Hi Henry.. Ask more about these children of Joan’s, Ages, sexes and living conditions. Ask also about the father of these children that may ? Have disappeared. Are you sure Joan is not married ?  Working away to support your children, ok that may have to be done. Living your life while someone else has your children when your children could be with you, well that may just be a ploy to hook or seems wrong to me also  ? Good on you to be thoughtful on this.. Take care Henry 

  4. My god Henry, here we go again. Like Raymond Jofn said, you make your own drama. You’ve only known this person for 12 days and already you are thinking of various scenarios and potential problems for the future? Sometimes people think so much about the future they miss appreciating the good things of life in the present. If you are already having “buyer’s remorse” bail now and save Joan, yourself and all of us the agony of your current “drama”, lol. There are no unicorns and no matter where you go or how far you travel the person that makes you the happiest or unhappiest will always be with you, and remember, everybody has an opinion but the only one that truly matters is your own.

    Good luck friend.

  5. Henry! The filipino thinking of the family is much larger than only a husband, wife, a son and a daughter, dog and car,boat (maybe bangka if they are fishermen).  I was surprised too at first, but many of our relatives has the same situation,,,,,and as you say “they are happy!”  My wife was single without any children and devoted to help her siblings and parents, helping her brothers 3 children in their scooling, raising another nephew and niece…… (Besides her working in Saudi Arabia as a domestic helper and with that money after ” 5 years slavery” building a house for parents and opening a Sari-Sari to provide THE FAMILY!  Just to give you some thoughts how the family is in the Philippines….but it`s up to you…..AND Joan! God bless!

  6. Henry to avoid scratching your head , disappointment, check her real situation in the place where she lives by asking people who know her and her family.. , like a community head can provide u a good or valid info…You can’t rely 100% of what you hear from one person story only and besides you just know each other for just a very short period of time. .. But before u will go to certain place especially to a very remote area have research the area if the place is safe to go alone especially for foreigners .. Always put your life on safety first … 

    1. How can a mom is willing to sacrifice her own blood , whether those kids frm previous marriage the children are always part of the family, they need mom’s love , time and cares especially when they are just young.. How could a woman easily choose a man where in fact she just know the man in just couple of days whereas her kids since conception/birth.. It seems there is hidden agenda involve here..Analyze well the situation what was the real reason of giving up kids over stranger ? …. Have check her background first , who is really Joan , she must not give up her kids no matter , her kids are always her priority, and its up to you henry to accept her kids with all your heart as a second dad of Joan kids….

  7. Hmmmm.—-Be careful here.  There are some unanswered questions. If she lives alone with you, and without the kids, wouldn’t she still be obligated to send her sister support money? And we may be looking at a cultural norm here that westerners are unaware of.  Six years into my own relationship/marriage I have seen this type of separation before among Philippine parents and children. It may be more common than you think so no need for all that guilt.
      The kids may be old enough to be comfortable where they are without being uprooted. Don’t forget they have active social lives and friends. The kids can visit occasionally without having to move in if mom is sending support money. This may actually be an ideal situation for you. so be careful with that guilt complex..

  8. let me say this remember this maybe find out about joan and ask her if you can meet her kids and find out how you feel i am married to a filipina woman who has three kids and yes i have met them and it was nice  but as of to give her money for her kids she tells me no because they are not mind to support them just give it a chance and see what happen okay do not give up

  9. After 12 days you’re thinking too serious. Heh.   You’ve been her dream since she was teen.   Marry a white usa man and live the life of riches – she expects to be able to provide for her family – support for not just her kids    She wants the prestige of supporting her family(with your help $$)   You are her dream.  You must be feeling dramatically lonely to be thinking like this so early in a relationship.

    1. “You’ve been her dream since she was teen.   Marry a white usa man and live the life of riches – she expects to be able to provide for her family – support for not just her kids    She wants the prestige of supporting her family(with your help $$)   You are her dream”

      This is a good thing. (glass half full)

  10. Henry , Love has to be unconditional. She looks like and sounds like a great catch. You need to remember where you are ? Their culture is very diff. than ours. What you are saying is not that rare here in the PI. And if things were to change if you were really in love with her I think maybe you should respect her wishes and go with the change . One thing I have learned over the years is that if you want to be happy in life  you need to just accept change , nothing ever stays the same in any aspect of life . Maybe you should go with her next time and meet the kids and see for yourself the situation. Just a thought my friend .  Best of luck to you . Aloha

  11. I have the same feelings you do about the kids.  As a father myself, I could NOT let her enjoy the fruits of my labors and the kids “might” do without.

  12. I usually don’t comment, I’m just a spectator, but here’s a thought. Could it be that she just doesn’t want to raise her kids with someone who’s not thier biological father for whatever reason? Or maybe she feels that she has already done more for her kids than their father has, and he should bare some responsibility also? Maybe I would analyze her attitude towards her children. Does she seem to have a good love for them when she mentions them? Or, does she seem to not place a high prority on them? You can probably tell by the way she talks about them. Take my advice with a grain of salt. Im a youngster who hasn’t nearly as much experience as you. Just an outsider looking in.

  13. I’m very proud of you for thinking that way. You are looking more of the future, how the kids and their families will see you. And what’s more cooler than having a step dad who can also be their friend and who actually cares unlike their biological father. It is selfish that she thinks that way, although it can also be taken as very indepedent. And only you can tell the difference because we don’t know her. I will say know her more on that aspect. Find out how did she have those kids, what happened to that relationship. There must be a deeper reason for her to bravely suggest to have them stay with her family for good while living a happy and comfortable life with you. She made it sound like that the kids are nothing but her obligation to help financially until they can make it on their own because she have no choice, she’s the biological mother. Sometimes, women really hates their ex’s to a point that they feel the same for the kids. I wouldn’t say she hates, its more of she probably don’t care as much. It will be cool if someday you guys really work out. And you’re right, there’s no other way to do it but have the kids with you. Those kids will be your friend forever and will be proud of you in every way. And you don’t have to be a replacement for their dad. They already have a responsible mom who will take care of them financially, just being there as a father figure and a big brother will mean the world to them. And you will also be the greatest to her eyes when all these happens. Goodluck!

  14. I like your values; you have guilty feelings over the right things. I agree with your assessment that the kids should be with you and your future wife if that is the way it works out. I also think you are starting to “settle” for something you really don’t want because the search has been unfruitful up to this point. Frankly, I think you’re tired, mentally and emotionally. Go for 30 days with no relationship at all and then see where your focus lies.
     

  15. what kind of Mother and person wouldn’t want her children with her if she gets married? also, she is definitely not attractive as you say. why is she suggesting marriage after such a short period. desperate, smitten or wacky?

    1. Whoa … cool your jets … ha!  My posterior (or any other dude’s posterior) is a “no fly zone”.  End of story … but good luck with all that … rolling my eyes.

    2. @Scott Williamson This is the Philippines. Nothing unusual about seeing trans women, is there?

      See, if you were in a gay relationship these kinds of pregnancy questions just don’t even come up. How convenient would that be? A world of all unicorns and no horses. You probably have more in common than you think. Nothing to be squeamish about. 

      Being child-free is practically an orientation in itself, isn’t it? Then why get involved with someone who has kids? That seems like pretty squeamish incongruous behavior to me. Then again, what do I know. I think everyone is possible relationship material (without kids at least). If it were me, I’d wish this woman and her kids well and be on my way. Hearts break. It’s what they’re for. They also heal. Last thing one should try to do is be in a relationship that’s against your nature for one reason or another.  

    3. @exnihilo415 Yeah, you’re right but I think he’s saying that most of us straight dudes are pretty squeamish about bi and tranny talk … myself included.  Ha! 

  16. You already made it clear that you seem to prefer a woman with no kids or being single so to me you really need to think about this, especially since the woman might be growing more attached to you, which will only make any future break-up so much harder for the woman.

  17. Are you insane? She’s known you a week and she already has strong feelings for you? Dude, you are so being worked. No one falls in love in a week. You don’t know anything about her either. Don’t be a dope. Quote: man is not so much s rational creature as s rationalizing one.

  18. Frankly and serious spoken: I don´t think it would be a good scenario for you. I remeber one of your first videos there near Alona Beach and the house in the jungle..It seems it was a more happier time for you there. Being free on where you go, why you go, how long you go, what persons you meet and so on. This times are gone in the moment you start a close relationship and starts living with a big family.
    They all will have expectations. I have made that through but, I´m sorry, this is not the reason for me living in the Philippines to have again and again the same stress life like abroad and the increasing bills to pay day by day….
    Sorry, but that´s frankly and honest spoken..

  19. Maybe it can help you in this situation to recognize the personal reasons why you origin moved to the Philippines..
    Good luck and I truly hope we will meet sometime there in person
    Thanks and god bless, maraming salamat at ingat ka lagi….

  20. Well I think that you have to decide what you want really.
    Short term, or long term Relationship.
    A single young girl, with no kids, will stay with you for how long?A month? A year?
    Sooner or later, her Opinion about kids will change, or she gets bored or etc.

    A woman with children,will try to secure the future for her children, and will do anything to maintain it.

    So from that point of view, that means a woman with children will for sure take care of you, and stay very long with you.
    Ofcourse if her feelings towards you are sincere.

    There are more then enought women with children, who suffer, and taking care of one of them, is atleast a good deed.

    If you just want to have fun, then look for another person.
    But if  you want a Relationship, then go for that girl,and take care of her children.
    That is what I would do, in your place, if I had any feeling towards her.

  21. As I see it, the situation has not changed since you met your new girlfriend. She had kids then, she has kids now. Obviously, at one point or another, the kids will want to live with their mother. If you cannot accept that, then it may be wise to stay away from women with kids. 

    Richard

  22. Hi Henry,please do not take this the wrong way,but i do not think the problem is the kids.,I think your heart has been touched by this lady,and you are very fond of her indeed even though it has only been 12 days,but you are the one arguing with your own mind ,whether to keep enjoying the single life with many beautiful woman there at your disposal,or try too settle down with this lady.

    1. Thank you Henry for your reply.
      Yes i seen that you and Joan  have decided to part as friends,but i am sure when the right woman comes along you will know in your heart she is the one.
      But like you ,i too have been a bachelor all my life i am now 56 yrs old,and just like you i hope too eventually have someone too share my life with.
      Yet as you said on your last video,if i do not find her ,bachelor life is not really that bad as we can just do anything we please at anytime we please,yes we both know at times can be very lonely,but there are many married couples out there ,who are in a lonely relationship even though married.
      At least you are a very lucky man Henry ,and i must admit i envy your life there in the Philippines,as my dream is too settle there or Thailand one day hopefully..
      Ok Henry please take care and good luck from myself in Scotland,love watching your video’s bye.

    2. @gas1958ify between the time i broke up with april and the time i met joan.. i had all the time and opportunity to run amok and be with many women.  odd thing is, i hid out in my apartment as the rain came down instead.  if i had zero intention of giving up my bachelor card, i’d have prodded a bit to see if joan was an ‘overnighter girl’ or not, and moved on if she wasn’t.  do i care for her?  yes.  am i madly in love with her?  honestly, i think being in love with someone you’ve only known two weeks is kinda on the crazy side of life.  to me, love doesn’t take months, but it does take more than a week.

  23. Kuya Henry
    What you adressed are valid concerns… i understand youre just trying to be a real man about things whether they are your kids or not. But its only been a couple weeks… whats with the mariaage talk kuya? Enjoy one another first…. give it some more time.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Well, she already gave you her decision, so it is time for you to decide to go on with the relationship or move on and find another one that suits your needs and wants perfectly. I bet there are still lots. Just be patient!

    2. @TokTok Cali you already know how emotional and romantic filipinas are.  the longer i delay in making a decision, the harder the breakup will be if there is one.  i can’t lead her on for a year and then talk about kids.  i gotta take this bull by the horns now, so i don’t waste her time if this is a deal-breaker issue.  the longer i wait, the harder it will be on her.

  24. What’s the rush Henry?  It’s not like you only have a year to live. If you want a woman with no kids give it time she will eventually come along. What happen if you marry Joan, get an instant family, then a few weeks later you find the perfect woman? I say don’t jump into anything give it time, don’t think you have time limit to find the right girl.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines
       I agree with you.  Don’t rush for marriage.  My husband and I had to wait for two years before we got married(long distance relationship) to know each other better.  We discussed about our beliefs.  We talked about a lot of things(one of them is about the Bible).  I’m a filipina, happily married to a white American man for eleven years now.  We don’t have kids of our own, my husband does not like us to have our own,  but we are helping other kids financially and spiritually, as God’s ministry. 
      The Bible says, “Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife”1 Corinthians 7:27 But if God sends you one to help her and her kids then so be it, that’s God’s will.  Take care.

    2. @Kenneth Meese no rush for marriage.  believe me, i am no advocate for rushing into marriage at all.  it’s more the opposite.  i don’t want to lead a woman on or waste her time.  i don’t want to be together for a year only to face then issues that were deal-breakers from the very start.  if she and i are not compatible, better we figure that out now with lots of direct discussion (as she and i have been doing).. rather than just coast along and deal with it later.  later, it is more painful due to the deeper emotional bonds that get created.

  25. hi mate as some one that married a girl who has  3 kids off her own I say to u if u love her I would go with it mate as like ur girl my wifes kids lives  9 hours away from where I have a home where my wife lives and thay are happy going to school and mom gos and see them ever 2 or 3 weeks and when she is not here with them she is home in the home we are buying but if she is happy to be that way with her kids ok as joy is happy wiith  the way we are so don’t give up on her mate ok let it work out as it gos mate ok

  26. i think she wants the children in the province so it gives her a reason to send here family money without to much ?’s ask i dont know its just my thought on it i wouldnt not drastic decision and find out why she really wants them there in the province and not if and i say if  you get married wouldnt they be better off with you and her living together.

  27. If the children can stay with your GF relatives and you visit or her or the both of you from time to time.Is that possible because Filipinos are very family oriented.I think the children can be happy living with relatives and having you visit.You can work it out if its the right situation.Please don’t stay single for the rest of your life,its not a good thing.Like to see you happy with someone

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines At-A-boy, Brother Henry!  I wasn’t sure if you had completely nutted-up or not?  LOL!  You know what you have to do.  Go do it!

    2. Thats awesome…I think it would be a bad choice if you let a woman choose you over your children. My stepdad is very awesome. When I was in 6th grade…my mom and dad were fighting over custody of me. My stepdad and my mom were staying together. My dad came and basically kidnapped us from school and took us to another town. He said since they were staying together he wouldnt give us back to my mom. My mom was devestated bc of this. She came to try to get us but my dad wouldnt let her take us home. When my mom got to her apt my stepdad had left and told her….go get your kids. He moved bout 3000 miles away from her. Well…My dad went to doc appt and found he had malignant skin cancer. He had to stay in UCLA on cancer ward. They said if he hadnt gone when he did it would have spread and he would have died. He sent us back to my mom. Well..God is amazing…This was over 30 yrs ago and cancer never came back. My mom moved out of state w my stepdad and my dad stayed in Cali. They didnt fight custody but we went back and forth. Bottom line…My dad was not selfish. He thought of kids first instead of his own desire…Both my parents are happily married!@ : )

    3. @Kenneth Wilson if a woman chooses on her own to marry and not have her kids under her
      roof.. she is free to do so.  but, i don’t want to be the guy she leaves
      her children for.  i don’t want to be the reason two kids grow up into
      adulthood trying to answer the question, “why didn’t my mother want me
      to live with her?”  because sooner or later they will look at me and
      say, “oh.. now i understand.  she chose him over us.”   maybe other
      people are willing to stick their neck into that noose.  but i just can’t find
      it in me to sign up for that.

  28. life and jobs there is very Hard.Which could cause people to make decisions that they normally wouldn’t make.I don’t think she wants to totally give up on her children.A bar girl may want to do that but someone like your GF,dont think so.Object is to live Righteously and live with one another if that is your choice.I don’t think you have lessened your standards but only strengthening them.After all its not her fault the father left her to be with the children with no support from the natural father.She shouldn’t have to suffer either way.By the way my ex wife is a pinay.So do have experience with Filipinos,for more than 20 years worth.

  29. Henry,,been there done that twice,,it didn’t work out ,,but that was in the US.,In the Philippines they don’t carry around luggage like westerner’s do…………,

  30. Your not overthinking things Henry. I see exactly what you are saying. I myself have three grown kid’s and six Grandkid’s! My newly wedded Filipina wife was widowed like seven years ago, and has three wonderful grown kids almost mirroring my kid’s ages (none married and no Grandkids). That was more than fine for me, and yes they all four live here, and I view them as I do my own kid’s. I suggest that you  do not settle for anything else than what “you” want and or need. It would not be fair to you, Joan or her kid’s in my humble opinion. Whatever you decide, best of luck in all of your future love endeavors………..  Very happily married………………Bob from Iowa   : )

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines You hit the nail on the head there guy! I been there and done that for myself, learning the hard way! My kids Mother and wife of twenty four years, I knew for like a couple of months before marrying her on the rebound from a previously failed relationship.  Duh me!  My second wife of six years (a Filipina from Santiago City Isabela).  We talked online for like a year, but only met for a month back in 2005 before before marrying. Double Duh!  Then last year, after having talked online with my lovely last wife Mhel for like six months. I spent five months living with her and her lovely Family in Alabang Muntinlupa. I returned a month ago to marry, and now all we plan to do is live happily ever after. I’d be willing to bet you this is my (last wife) Henry. If not please keep your eyes open for a nice Bakla Henry, as I will have given up on women entirely if this one does not work out!  LOLO!   : )

    2. @Robert Briant i worry sometimes that i’m a left-brained person in a right-brained world.  to me, most unhappy lives are the result of little to no thought put into big life decisions.  rarely does someone mess up their life from taking their time and thinking things through.  it can happen, but happens less often than to those who rush in, ‘enjoy the ride’ and then deal with consequences later.

    1. @rob huns one positive thing about one-nighter type women.. my expectations are limited and i’m rarely disappointed.  a bit of quid pro quo and each person leaves the transaction all the happier for it.  is it fulfilling?  only on a temporary basis.  not for the long run.

  31. Dude, it’s been 12 days….Why are either of you even discussing kids or marriage. You just met….The only strong feelings are sexual attraction at most. I wouldn’t even entertain the conversation with her; also you can be with someone for yrs and still not know them. She’s rushing and you’re letting her rush you! Nobody want to grow old alone; however you just met her and you need to take time (12 months or more) to feel each other out and see were to take things. Lastly that thing about leaving her kids at the sisters’ is complete BS. She is saying that now to keep you interested,

    1. @pumpkinjoe1313 kids are a big issue.  maybe if neighther of us had kids we could just ‘coast along’ and enjoy the honeymoon a bit longer.  but she already HAS kids.  i don’t want kids.  so.. the time to discuss the big elephant in the room is now, not six months from now when she’s even more deeply committed to this relationship than she is now.  me.. i’m emotionally still in a safe harbor.  her?  she’d be ready to get married next week with no hesitation.  so, before this new relationship gets too far along on the emotional level, someone has to talk about this kid issue because it will rear it’s head eventually.  and the circumstances won’t be any better later than they are now.

  32. don’t do it henry. never ever date a single mother (never)!!! maybe if her husband died (from natural causes) and her kids are 18+ she might get a free pass, otherwise run.. run deep, run hard, just run!! if you don’t run you will be on the hook (eventually) for her bastard children. you will be looking into the eyes of the man who used to screw her (when she was hotter, younger and tighter than now) every time you see her children. what self respecting guy wants that? why drive a car with a bunch of dings and dents in it when you can rent/buy a new car? do yourself a favor and have a vasectomy (never tell a woman you have done this) and then get a childless woman and enjoy yourself !!!

  33. Get SERIOUS, Henry. This is nuts! You’re breaking your OWN RULES! You don’t know this woman, and she doesn’t know you, yet here you are, talking about marriage! This is nuts, buddy. I suggest you bug out for a few days, maybe even drink yourself into a stupor in some hotel in another city, and really think this over. I’m not there, and I don’t even know either of you, but this isn’t right. 

    1. @*****
      you’re just not paying attention, are you?  read my response.  sounds more like you just want something to gripe about.  Sorry if I didn’t line up a storybook romance and got married in six months like you wanted.  Why you have a problem with me not wasting a year into a relationship that isn’t compatible or rushing into a marriage is beyond me.  Your perceptions on women are pretty low.  God help you if you ever end up single in the PH someday.

    2. @***** Henry makes for great online Drama. . The plot of most romantic films is the romance of meeting – the middle part is boring – the breakup. We have that all here in a week…

    3. @John Strabismus sounds like you misunderstood ‘my rules’.  my rules are “no big decisions for a year”.  taking a look at how the kids fit into a relationship is not the same as making a commitment.  it’s just forethought.  it’s the big elephant in the room and i’m not going to ignore it.  kids are a huge element in a relationship for me and it needs to be discussed.  if it turns out to be a deal-breaker, much better we find out after a few weeks of discussion rather than ignoring it for a year and then facing it.  but discussion of kids, marriage, etc. is not equal to making a ‘big decision’.

  34. Thank you for sharing. It is good to hear that you are considering many aspects before taking a decision and that you are worried about the welfare of the children. My thoughts on this situation:

    1) If you love a person, you have to accept her with all the baggage she comes with. You can’t just select the portion you like, it would be unfair.
    2) Is it possible that Joan might be proposing to leave the children with her sister because she is worried that you would not fully accept them? As you have said repeatedly that you are not looking for people with children, she might be concerned about her kids growing up with a person that will not like them.
    3) I personally believe that it is best for the children not to cut ties with their mom. They need her and they should see her whenever possible. Financial aid is not the only thing that matters in a family.
    4) One important factor is not clear though, is Joan married or not and where is the father? The father can pop up any time in the future and want to have a say on his children (and possibly wife). And if Joan is married, then she needs to get an annulment first, otherwise I strongly advise against being involved with a married woman. Not only it is illegal, it may also pose safety concerns in the future. How long and why a husband is not present is irrelevant, married is married.

  35. Henry,  continue to evaluate the situation, take your time, ask her why does she want that type of situation ?…  i understand the culture there is different than what we are accustomed to in the USA,  Your unicorn may be hard to find but i am sure someone has to be that way but are you willing to go through the effort and time to go through more women than you can imagine there?   In the USA, you can find woman who dont want kids of all ages, but in Phils its alot tougher, unless you change the age group you want to date, but that defects the purpose to go to phils in my point of view. I would also go to phils to date younger women since most younger women in the USA in their 20;s and 30’s would consider a man in his 40’s or 50’s an old man in which your not and neither am i in my 40’s….But thats the difference between the seas.  I wish you luck, keep the spirits flying and dont give up,  you never know , the unicorn might be around the corner ,,,,,or just stay dating but that doesnt work there either.   its a tough position to be in ,, and i am sure you know some of the scenarios,  like go have a kid with the woman you choose, etc,  or if you love the woman, accept and move her kids in ,,,  just some food for thought…..

  36. How she treats her kids is more important to her than it is to you.  As you said before people there have more kids because they don’t have retirement plans.  They expect their kids to support them when their old.  If you two don’t work out and end in divorce she will only have her kids.  You seem to have morals unlike some of the asshats in these comments, so you can’t ignore how you feel about her kids living apart, and honestly she shouldn’t either.  The americans in these comments don’t have close families like people do in other countries.. so naturally they will say screw the kids, take the girl and run.  Don’t lose all your inner beauty to become an american beast.

    1. we are still getting to know each other.  we went out to dinner the other night and are planning to go for a swim this weekend.  it’s not the end of the world to break up.  just redefining the parameters to a better relationship.

  37. Also you should meet these kids to see why she would even think of leaving her kids.  Maybe she’s the selfish one?  Maybe her kids are hell on earth?  Is she willing to take advantage of her sister’s love or are her kids really more happy living away from mom?  Kids may be fine staying away from a “bad mom”.  All questions to think about before getting serious with anyone.

  38. As you said it yourself you are overthinking the issue, time will tell how things work out many of us have been with women who have kids and when we first date them we don’t expect to live with them.  The thing is run with it as things develop you will either decide its ok or its not, you are trying at the very tart to find a perfect situation which don’t exist.   You are being somewhat mean to this women who is clearly prepared to make some choices based on what had said you wanted and now you want to blame her of that come on man get a grip.  I have spoken to enough guys here to know although there is yes thousands of good looking women out there who will be happy to hook up with expats, they are not always perfect as they usually want a lot of your cash.  Finding a good one is not so easy in the end, some of us were lucky first time out but many are not.  If you really want this perfect position of a women who has no kids and probably don’t want any then go with a bar girl as they are happy to be focused where the good life is and go with a  guy and don’t worry about kids.  The issue is you tend to get exactly what you would expect in that position, when the money is shrinking so is your desirability to that girl.  Clearly you don’t want to be alone and that is true for many of us to lets not even consider the staying single for life, people who need people don’t want that and would never choose it unless it was forced upon them.  From my person position I got together with someone who had a child a very young one which did help and we lived together at the4 start on our own, but over time it was me who said lets have her over for a visit and I found I was actually happy to have her around.  Once this had gone on a few times again it was me who said how would you feel about having her live with us  and we can have a yaya so we still get a reasonable amount of time to spend together.  I can happily say we did just that and never really looked back we are all very happy now an I couldn’t imagine life without her being with us she came to live with us at about 2 and his now 11 and for me she feels just like one of my own kids and I love her to death. 

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines I think the terminal cancer one is a little different but I take your point, my point to you was its nearly impossible to decide who you will feel about issues as a relationship progresses.  You had decided when you met her that you would try and be open minded so you had decided to move a little, now ok maybe you are now deciding you wee wrong in that step however give it is unlikely you will be madly in love with this girl t this stage, it is not easy to predict what you will feel like if and when you do.  At some point it is quite possible that your desire to be with her overrides you desire to not have more kids. That is what I meant be being premature in making a decision.  Clearly if for you it is a complete and utter show stopper than time to say good bye but form experience very few people can know 100% how they will feel about something in a year or two down the line, we can guess but hard to know conclusively unless of course you have some specific reason for being completely anti child rearing.  Either way good luck to you!

    2. @Andrew Swarbrick most guys who come to the PH are very open minded about kids.  whether it be having new ones or taking on existing ones.. or both.  me, i’m in the minority.  it’s up to me to define who i will and won’t invest time with.  that’s what i’ve been contemplating and discussing with her these last few days.  as for premature, imagine meeting someone, deciding the date them on a steady basis and then immediately finding out they have terminal cancer.  is is premature to begin re-thinking the commitment to a long-term relationship?  i don’t think so.  i’d hardly lead that person on for months while i made up my mind either.

    3. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines What I meant Henry is it sounds like you are looking for an exactly match to yourself.  I think to try and foresee and resolve potential issues after 12 days is somewhat premature.  It is clear after a few relationships we develop a list of things we actually don’t want but I had made the link that because you had decided you would waver the no kids requirements that you had at least gone beyond expecting that to be in place with every possible partner.  My other point  was once you have been with someone for a period of time you make decisions on things you are prepared to compromise on and this is based on how we feel with that person now not at the start.  At the start you have very little invested in the relationship and as such it is much easier to say no that don’t suit me ill be on my way, after a period of time we decide well I’m not that married to that prerequisite  and compromise.  But I am beginning to think maybe for you the no kids is absolutely the issue that is bigger than anything else and as such if so don’t waist the poor woman’s time if it is the complete show stopper for you. 

    4. @Andrew Swarbrick if we all wanted the same life, making decisions would be easy.  i could just do what you did and know it would all work out fine.  i’m glad it worked out for you and your wife and daughter.  that’s fantastic.  but i’m not you.  i have different desires and idea of what i want in a lifemate.

  39. Wow talk about putting the cart before the horses. 12 days is way to early to be talking about marriage. I think you should shift down and ease up on the whole situation.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines u are so right henry.i married a girl with no kids.and not looking to have kids.she thinks it cost to much to raise a child here in the states.and my son is getting ready for college next year.life is good.be going back home to philippines in spring.henry most of the ones leaving comments have no clue about the culture .be wise with your choice. Good luck god bless u both

    2. @John R i read your comment and can’t help but wonder if you’ve ever dated a filipina in person ever.  if you had, you’d know that commitment and marriage don’t wait until sometime 6 months into the relationship.. not with a filipina.  they play fast and hard for the majority.  dealing with it head on is better than being passive or vague, which to them means an agreement of commitment.

  40. A relationship is about compromise.  In time you will discover more about this other person, how much you really like her, and how much you are willing to compromise on the “kid situation.”  That’s what the getting to know each other stage is about, to see how much of her baggage you are willing to put up with, and how much of yours, she is. Eventually, things will either work out or one of you will realize they have discovered something about the other that is “non-negotiable,” an “irreconcilable difference.”  That is why people break up. The search for love is not without pain. But IMO, finding true love is worth the risk of pain the search entails. You will know when you find it because everything will be easy and just fall into place.  When you are compatible, neither one of you should have to struggle just to “make things work.”

  41. For people who feel they can make a view of a local women doing what she thinks is best I suggest you get to know the culture here first just because it doesn’t fit with the American view of the world doesn’t make it wrong.  Lets be honest not a great deal of what America does is a great way to act, so only when We are all perfect should we make an opinion on others!  Shame on you all!

  42. Henry, you should take a trip to see the kids with her and ask the kids if they would like to be with mom if they say yes and Joan stills say’s no she doesn’t want the kids with her then you really have some serious thinking to do. Hope that helps.

  43. Henry, just my opinion, I think if Joan is someone you feel comfortable with then you should let it play out. I think it will take some time to get to know Joan better, to get to know what type of person she is, and is she the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. I doubt she is willing to let her kids go, let’s face it that is too strong an emotion and the bond between mother and children is too strong. The only reason she is separated from her children is purely economic. You have to give her credit for providing for them. If Joan is someone you want to spend time with and maybe live with then you have to consider her children. I don’t see them not being part of the package, which may not be a bad thing. By the way, was she married and if so where is her husband? It us my understanding that there is no divorce in the Philippines or did she get an annulment? Is an annulment possible with children, I doubt it. By making pre conditions this can complicates relationships. You should let this play out if you feel she is a good person and you are attracted to her and you feel strongly she is returning her feelings to you. Also you should meet her children sooner then later. Good luck Henry. A good woman is very difficult to find and when you do you have to make the best of it. Life can be very lonely, and with a good partner, life can be great.

  44. Hi Henry. I think Joan is respecting you not wanting children.and although she has kids she wants to have this relationship with you….so maybe you should take This Oportunity and really get to know each other more, like you have said it takes 6 to 8 to 12 months for both of you…..I believe what you said about a Map….so make one with Joan,,it looks like a great Oportunity …..Your Living your Dream take the chance……..I am no expert but I do wish you both This Chance to be One….always enjoy your vids …cheers

  45. I’m like you but I insisted to take the child as my live in son. And even though it was ok I have a nanny for my son, who lives with us, she is my wife’s youngest sister.

  46. Thats just the way they are there. Its very common. It is so common that its not even mentioned as a topic of conversation.
    Dont forget its a two way street,the family gets helped out also.

  47. henry..i watch all your videos..before you said;it takes  at least 1 year ,to get to know a filipina ,and to know  her personality.I think you shouldnt consider a marriage after such a short period.

    But i notice  you get  fed up of being alone..for some reason its like u get in panic ,and get the unstoppable desire ,to find the right person in a short period of time.. i dont think that will work.

    i understand it tho ;because after long time without a relation ,i also dislike being alone. so i understand your feeling..but i just wait for the person ,that gives me the right feeling. I dont try to  speed up the process.

    1. @p tm “life is undulation”.  like the tide, what we want, our emotions, our hopes and aspirations.. it rises and falls due to a variety of variables.  it takes a lot to just ‘be content’ and then ‘remain content’.  i wish i had that art mastered by now.  it’d make my life a lot easier.  🙂

  48. hey henry , ive been watching your videos for a few months now and I just wanted to put my 2 cents in . i was same as u. i didn’t want to start a new family. hospital bills and crying baby and all the things that go along with new baby so i found a girl who has a job and one child , she works and sends money home to parents who  raise child. we both think its better that we live together for a year to see if its going to work than if everything is good we will get her child . but at first it was the same like u are going thru . i feel that she was being careful not to make a mistake because she didn’t know if i was going to beat her of make her slave so i think she is just being careful right now  . my 2 cents .

  49. Thanks for sharing. It seems to me that you’ve already decided what’s best, And it would be a lot harder for both of you to back out later.
    Btw: my flip wife accepted me with or without my kids, But she soon learned that American kids are not at all like those from the Philippines. She found them less respectful and shocking at times.
    Especially, teenagers. Another thing she can’t understand is how my ex still can still get support from me for the children and complain of it never being enough, She feels that when you divorce there should be no more communication. On any event, she is still stuck to me like super glue and takes care of me like her first born.

  50. Btw: you can find a nice looking educated virgin in the Philippines easy than a non educated one. Try different circles Henry. My wife was 32, from a good family, educated and ripe for picking when I met her online. Explore woman from cities where they have universities. There’s loads of educated single woman there. Try filipinas online from CDO.

    1. @Jeh Rhm i think there are at least 4 universities here in Dumaguete.  i’m not hung up about finding a virgin at all.  but college girls are typically young and busy with studies.  it’s a possibility worth looking into i suppose.

  51. Why the need to get married right away or ever? It doesn’t seem to be much of a prerequisite for a great many Filipinas who have not one, but multiple kids with someone else with no money. You’re the Unicorn to them so it’s easy to understand that marriage brings greater financial security. Live together and pay the lion’s share of the expenses but make sure more goes to raising the kids with relatives or education. Build a relationship with her and determine the chemistry with her kids on visits. As a boyfriend you have no responsibility to make that commitment for quite a while. You were going this course with another woman with no kids before she got cold feet. How is this different unless you have your emotions set to an hour glass.

    1. @Glenn McGee i like the idea you’re talking about.  although it does get kinda sticky if living together. communal marriage ideas, expectations, etc.  in this case, she is very, very attached in a short time so i couldn’t just play with her heart.  i have to make a decision whether to pursue this or not before it becomes more difficult for her in the long run.

  52. Mate, you have only known her for a few days.

    I have milk in the fridge and bread on the bench older than your relationship with her..
    And what she is doing is perfectly natural for the Philippines.  When children are involved in a new relationship, traditionally Filipinos DO NOT ACCEPT outside children.  That is the way it is.(You are the outsider)
    The culture is a mixture of religion, tradition and superstition.
    I first got involved with the Philippines about 1966 and went thru the whole lifestyle from bar girls to having fun to a living there experience.
    I married 33 years ago, have two kids aged 31 and 29 and STILL CAN’T UNDERSTAND the whole system.  I never will.
    It is far more complicated than a foreigner can grasp even after my almost 40 years experience with it.
    That is what makes it different.  You should not try to compare or force outside values on them.
    It is what it is and always will be.
    Just accept that what she is doing is not new and her way is what she wants.
    It is her country, her kids and her life.. 

    Hope this helps you a little bit.
    Jim.

     

    1. @Jim hammond thanks.  and i agree.. it’s a whole other world here.  there’s no changing it, not even the stuff that challenges basic human common sense.  ha!  but i never will impose my ideas on joan or any woman here.  they are free to live and choose as they decide with me.  but.. for my own part, i am still free to choose what i will and won’t be a part of.  if compromise can happen.. that’s great.  if not, then it’s best we do our own thing separately rather than force the issue.

  53. Always looking into things too far.   I had a girlfriend once there, that was ready to leave the country without her children, so it’s not unusual.  They are in a safe and normal place for them, and the family is there.   Just keep it the way it is, and go visit once a week.

    1. @Andrew Llera that is the difference between you and i.  a woman willing to leave her children behind for reasons other than income doesn’t bother you.  it bothers me.  so our choices are opposite.

  54. STOP GETTING IN YOUR OWN WAY.   You have a chance so take it. LOL  Stop with the ” But’s” and ” well”, always an excuse.   I really  believe after watching all your video’s that you DON’T want to get a girlfriend because you have issue’s for every situation.  It’s called life.  Get on with it. 

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines There is no such thing as “to picky.”  There’s to much to lose, as a guy, if the shit hits the fan.  Better to remain single than nut-up. 

      I guess I’m lucky, however, because as long as she says the magic words, and does well at the audition, it’s my ONLY requirement.  LOL! 

    2. @DemocracyDoctor1 my previous ex/gf (who i am still great friends with) told me, “you’re still single because you’re too picky!”  ha!  in reality, my ‘list’ only has maybe 5 items on it.  i know guys who scoured the PH with a list of 45 items they considered a ‘must-have’ in finding a wife.  🙂

    3. Brother Andrew, I’m not sure who’s channel you have been watching, BUT it sure hasn’t been Henry’s!  There is a REASON why he is having so many “issues.”  

    4. @Andrew Llera that would be a simple answer.  and it’s one that would not affect ‘you’ at all if it didn’t work out.  what the heck.. just pick some girl at random, get married and call it a day.  sorry, but it’s me who has to live with the commitment and i need to be a bit more alert to my future than just throwing up my hands and committing to something that is ‘close enough’.

  55. Henry, Oh Henry. I’m not going to give you any advice on your thoughts because you are obviously in love with this gal.  (after only 12 days you say?).  Let me just tell  you how long it took me to fall in love with my filipina  wife of 36 years.  It took me somewhere between 1 and 1 and a half seconds.  All she did was smile and that was it. I was done. It took me 5 years to convince her to marry me, and that was over 40 years ago.  2 kids and 3 grandkids later…here we are.  Many of my friends told me I should not get married, and that I was a fool to marry a filipina. I did anyways. But Henry Oh Henry here my point from my perspective and this is not advice but a warning:  If you want to jump in the sack with that crack then get a ring first. That’s not from me, but from Higher ups. You can take all the advice from others who know better and from some who don’t, but what it boils down to is listen to that small still voice inside.                             http://youtu.be/j7leQB_Oe_k

    1.  “If you want to jump in the sack with that crack then get a ring first.”  LOL!  Classic.

      Can you image “branding” her ass to only find out she is HORRIBLE in the sack?  LOL!  Phheeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww…

    2. @Dan Torres i love the Stones.  and yes, i agree on what you say.  no promises though.  what i can say is that with my last wife i waited 3 months before i even kissed her.  for what it’s worth on the other end though.. the more weeks/months that go by without being intimate, it seems the less the brain seems to work.  🙂

  56. Henry, the point is that they are HER kids, not yours. Very presumtious of you to think that, after 12 days, you can jump in and reorganize her life to fit your own prejudices and moral assumptions. Look at it as a matrix of logic. First you have you decide whether you’re even willing to live with them (a big one only you can make). Then you simply tell her your position. If you don’t want them, problem solved. If you do want them then it’s up to her to decide whether she does too — this is HER decidion, not yours. Who knows, maybe she doesn’t want you to be their daddy (in her position, franlkly, I don’t think I would.) If she decides she doesn’t want them and you can’t live with that then, honestly, I’m not too optimistic about your chances of ever having a lasting relationship because really, Henry, you’re far too controlling.

    1. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Not tight at all, my friend. Perhaps “what we have here,” as the captain so aptly put it in Cool Hand Luke, “is a failure to communicate”

    2. @David Haldane ha!  thanks, truly.. i needed that laugh.  🙂  controlling?  i’m leaving her free to make her own choices.  and then i decide whether her choices are ones i can live with.  very simple.  no huge matrix needed.  chill out dude, you are wound up way too tight.

  57. I think you must like her a lot to be thinking this way so soon. And that’s okay, it happens. But it is early days. If she’s the one you will probably change your mind abt having the kids ( how old are they?). If she’s happy to leave the kids with relatives it might be normal or because your ‘the one’..My suggestion is just see how it goes. If , in two months , you no longer like each other, you will wonder why you were worrying abt the issue.

    keep the vids coming, they informative and great viewing.

  58. My opinion is: it is unfair to keep the mother and keep away her kids. If you do that, there will be more problems as she will be unhappy to be away from her kids. No mother wants to enjoy life away from her children unless she is working hard somewhere far. I think you should either take care of the one you love with their responsibilities ( kids) or let her go. Somebody else might accept her situation . God bless

    1. @Charles Harrison i doubt the bases will open up anytime soon.  in fact, the visiting navy is restricted somewhat after a marine killed a local ladyboy just a week or so ago.  that did not help things at all.

    1. Have been quite some time in Phil now and I recognize the majority of what you say. Good observation Henry, sure many agree with you and this why feel understanding and like your video’s.

    2. @Pieter Nierop according to YTube/Google.. about 86% of my viewers are males from USA/Canada.. the rest are a mixture of men/women from PH and Europe.  i am getting recognized in person by more and more Filipinos on the street these days.  all positive with comments that i’ve been fair in how i present the PH.

    3. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Yeah that sure is a kind of surprise. I noticed the amount of subscribers after I started questioning myself why so often 1000’s of people saw your new video’s even before I saw it. But then when found out the amount of subscribers you have I understood.

      Set up a Facebook page myself as well. The reason is that I met a girl in Alicia Bohol but when searching Google there was almost nothing to be found about the town “Alicia” in Bohol where she lives. So I decided to make a Facebook page about the town and share it with others. Now many hundreds of pictures are online from the various schools, barangay halls and general views out on the street. Turns out many OWF tune in on the Facebook page now, all wanna know what’s going on back home. They wanna see back home, know what’s new, look around town.

      So now I have a public, manly the OWF and those who come from Alicia and are working elsewhere in The Philippines and I see the amount of likes growing steadily. The video’s make your website and channel very attractive. I wonder who your subscribers are. Is this mainly men from abroad? Or are there also many Philippina’s who are search for advices as well?

    4. @Pieter Nierop i’m kinda surprised myself.  originally my site and channel were just to easily share online with my family back home what my adventures were here.  quickly others took interest and it just kinda grew.  🙂

  59. I agree with you Henry . I no I couldn’t do it in that situation . You and her living in a nice house and the kids living a harder life . Not cool . I think you gotta include the kids or don’t do it . Just saying . Great vid Henry Thanks for sharing . Definitely a hard one to deal with .

    1. @pmags1331 thanks.  it was a hard decision to make, but now that we’ve redefined things, we’re now good friends and been getting along just fine.  just.. not as a couple anymore.

  60. What Joan is doing is what every filipina does …You might call it the “Filipina modus operandi”…….In the early stages of the relationship, they are fully compliant and obedient to the max .They  do their best to  please you…therefore,.It does not surprise me that she wants to keep the kids away not to inconvenience Henry …..Because she knows Henry prefers women without kids!..This notion has caused her feelings of insecurity, ..She does not want to lose the relationship at this point .Later on when the relationship is sealed and stablized, the dynamics will change! .. It is during this stage , when she annoyingly asks  for permission to do anything : ” Can I have  my cousin here today?….”Can I go to the church?” “Can I drink a glass of water?…..Believe me after the marriage …the children will be living with you ..you are lucky if the extended family does not join!…By the way only 12 days ?….too short of a time to know anyone…

    1. Good point, Brother @Fred Bouwman. I missed that when I originally replied 5 months ago. Terms such as “every” or “all” are the same as saying 100% and we know that is not true.

    2. @jason robardas Not every Filipina does this, not even close. Too many people make sweeping generalisations of an entire country based on a few examples.

    3. @LifeBeyondTheSea – Philippines Yup!  Really gotta know who you’re forming a domestic corporation with.  You get to 
      pay 50% for the lady who knows how to wear the “sexy panties.”    Much cheaper NOT to attempt to keep her!  

    4. @jason robardas i suspect you are right.  even many american women seem to change after marriage, not all, but many.  i know one guy asked his wife, “how come you don’t wear sexy panties anymore, like when we were dating.”  her answer, “because we’re married now.”   damn.

    1. @mark perugia thanks.  some people are proactive, others are reactive.  my theory is that left-brain people plan things out cognitively ahead while right-brain people prefer to have no plan and react to whatever the outcome is.

  61. 12 days is way to early to be talking about marriage. Are you just trying to get rating for your YouTube channel? I like how open  you are about your life and what you are thinking but I have to say  “just let it be and see how it goes”. I found a Philipia 35 with a good education, job and great family, no kids and is ok without children. So they are there my friend.

    1. @Dave M there’s “talking about marriage” as in “let’s get married”, and then there’s, “IF marriage were to happen a year or more from now.. how would we handle the kids?”.  the first approach has commitment attached and yes, 12 days is way too early for that.  the 2nd approach is inevitable.  me.. i’m a communicator.  i don’t wait until the train arrives to discuss where it’s going.  i discuss it now, before too many deep feelings get established.  i know that’s not how a lot of people do it.  it seems most people just ‘wing it’ and deal with the aftermath later.  but that’s just not my style.

    1. @Ed Farlinger i hear what you’re saying.  i still struggle with it because, with the way things are here (very desperate).. i give women a bit of slack because the kids get dumped on them while the man runs off, and they often have to do what they must to put rice on the table.  i don’t fault them so much, but i can’t seem to make myself a part of it either.  i’m sure other guys could, but i can’t.

  62. My question is how old are the kids?? Im just thinking maybe it would be possible to have something like “joint custody”/ “weekend parent” thing. Or let the kids have a say in this. If you think that she is the one for you then some compremises could be made right. But i olso see your point in how can you be truly happy with her if you feel you are making some one else suffer for your happiness. My advise is listen to her side of the matter and tell her your side and then try to find a solution that makes everyone happy 🙂

  63. Or, you could agree to remain Joan’s committed long-term boyfriend and agree that as such you will not be the children’s step-father and that you will not take any responsibility for raising them, and not accept any authority to give them orders, whether she and/or they are living with you or not. A lot depends on the ages and the personalities of the children. Since they tend to have a lot of close relatives there, the children of separated couples are much less likely to be lacking in adult male affection and presence in their lives.  In today’s complex families, a separated father often remains the active father-figure in his children’s lives, whether the mother has a boyfriend or another husband or not.  This is why many jurisdictions insist that a step-father formally adopt his step-children before he has any parenting rights.  It is no longer a given that a man will be the father figure to his girlfriend or wife’s children from a previous marriage.  You can simply be their friend, and if they live with you, they get the same benefits they would get if they and their their mother lived with a successful foreigner female room-mate, which relieves your guilt without putting you in the unwanted parenting position.

    Or, you find a woman whose children are already grown.  If you still want a younger woman, consider that many girls in the Philippines had children at very young ages.  If she had two kids when she was 13 and 15 years old, she will only be 32 years old when her youngest child is 17 and no longer expecting much in the way of active parenting.  A woman in this situation meets all your criteria, and I’m sure there are enough of them to make a search for such a woman a practical undertaking, and that there are many more of them than there are women who don’t have and don’t want kids.

    I admire your experiment in living a semi-public life, and wish you all the best.

    1. @Wayne Edward Clarke for now, what seems to work for joan and i is to be ‘good friends’, but aware that we are each inevitably going to date other people.  i want her to find a good man who can commit to her and the kids.  as for me, i am examining my next move and will update next week when my resolve is a bit more defined.

    2. Reading through the comments, it seems every possible position on the issue is represented, including the positions that can only be taken if they disregard a lot of what you’ve been saying.  Exposing yourself online takes courage, and is guaranteed to attract every kind of comment, from the boring to the extreme.  Don’t let any of them get you down!

  64. Henry.  When in Rome do as the Romans.  I’m married to a Filipina in California and we do see things differently.  That’s just life.  Most of the world is not a western world.  You have been there quite a while and I am sure you know that already.  There are even kids here in the USA that don’t live with their parents for numerous reasons.  You will never know unless you take a leap of faith.  Maybe it’s time for you to jump.  Good luck with whatever you decide

  65. Wow… You are blessed with lots of time and money in Philippines and yet you still are not happy. Maybe you are just playing out the Filipinas like most American’s do . Its damn easy to put yourself first and take advantage of a people whom are very poor. It only took me a few days to marry a girl there and still we are happy 8 years later. My perspective is that you should of easily found a young girl with no kids and married her before our Lord Jesus Christ by this time . Perhaps even a woman with kids if that’s Gods plan for you. You continue to make these videos as if its hard to find happiness there which it  is not.  I’ve enjoyed some of your perspectives but yet I now start to wonder what you are really about and question my subscription to your channel. At first Id thought you were trying to promote finding love in the Philippines but now it seems you are promoting something less profound.

    1. @ronald black finding a woman with no kids is not so hard.  but one that is willing to commit to a life without kids.. that is questionable at best.  with kids.. i’ve given up on that.  it’s just not in my plans any more, apart from really REALLY falling for a woman with kids but.. been down that road 3 times and it’s not worth the pain involved to give it a try anymore.  What should be kept in mind here is that I am not the typical expat looking for a wife.  Most guys are willing to have new kids are take on existing kids.  Plenty of choices and finding a wife is much easier than what my experience has been.  As of this point, i’m taking a break from any serious relationships and going to just enjoy life here.  being single is not a bad thing at all.

    1. @Joseph Roberson in one word, ‘Yes’.  Not all, but many.  Every black man I’ve known who has been to the PH has had no problem finding filipinas to date and go out with.

  66.  
    This is my second comment and we’ve done some changes since your last visit.  In addition to Village pizza in Loboc, five weeks ago we opened a second unit in Baclayon at the Petron Station there.
    The original location was the flagship unit in Loboc with the intentions to franchise from the start.  However, since Baclayon  has opened it is representative of what a franchise unit will look like and aside from some document completion we are ready to offer Village pizza unit to the public for turn key franchise unit.  Because we could not get final clearance of the name we have since changed the name to”Villagio’s Pizza (A Village Pizza Haus)
    villagio’s is available for a full turn key operation unit.  We will do the demographic studies, select and build the unit, staff the location and completely train the staff and turn over the operating unit to a Franchisee.  The total cost will vary depending on the size of the unit and will range from 600,000 to 800,000 Pesos.  This includes all construction and equipment cost ready  to operate.  These units are very profitable and can easily be operated with an absentee owner or operated as a family business.  These units are very attractive and inviting.  
    I invite you to visit Baclayon’s  Villagio’s Pizza and see how we operate and how this can be a profitable venture anywhere wihin the Philippines or outside the country.  Outside the Philippines we are in the position to offer a master franchise those interested in multiple unit location.
    Please visit face book at Village Pizza Loboc and watch for our developments or contact me at : villagepizza2014@gmail.com…….I look forward to talking with you……
    Currently working with potential franchisees in Cebu and Vietnam……..

    1. @Paul Watts if i were to stay with her, i agree.  kids should be with their mother when it’s possible.  but that’s only ‘if’ i stayed with her.  i decided it was best we did not go further into the relationship.  more on that here..  Video Diary; Oct 15th, 2014 – The Better Path (1of2)

  67. Henry Why? you want to marry lady has her children… it doesn’t matter how she is nice or beautiful you need your own children, you should fine younger single girl otherwise you will be very headache, and uncomfortable living together…

  68. I think I would stuggle with the same issue you are struggling with. I think if it were me I would also want her children to be with us and be part of our lives together. After all her children are part of her life. The more I think about this though the saying that keeps coming into my head is ” When in Rome”. Good luck with this though. I think I would have the same internal struggles that you are having.

  69. I totally understand the way you are feeling. I think if I were in your shoes I would feel much of the same way. I think we would have to have a long serious conversation on the subject. As I say all this however the one saying that keeps coming to my mind is “When in Rome” . I am not saying just because you are there you put all your beliefs and convictions behind and just do whatever because ” When in Rome.” However I am saying you are there and in some ways they do things and see things differently. Just something else to consider. I dont envy your position. I would have the same struggles you are having. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

    1. In that case I wish you continued luck in your search. I am sure when the time is meant to be you will find the right one for you. As I said I would have struggled with that myself. Good luck. Really enjoy your videos.

    2. @kevin fortner i decided it was best we break up.  she still wants to remain friends so we see each other once in a while.  but i’ve made it clear to her i won’t be changing my mind. she is free to date and find the right man for her situation.

  70. She only told you that she wouldn’t live with the kids if she got married to you, because she doesn’t want to scare you away.You have nothing to worry about in her not wanting her kids with you. Believe me, there is no way in 1MM years would she not have them come live with you.

    1. @EKL Chebu you might not know this, but i am not looking to be married with someone who has kids.  so… if her plan ‘was’ to have the kids come later, it would not work out very well.

  71.  you knew she had kids and you still hit it, knowing it is not what you wanted in a relationship? But you don’t want to cause pain to anyone….? make sense to me

    1. good luck buddy I was going to give u a bunch of shit about your attitude but its your life enjoy.,,and non of my business, We all have to do whats right for us. I wish you the best seems like your having a nice life there ..I cant wait to get back there  2015  I make my move back to PI for good, after a brief stop in Thailand love it there love the  people the life  everything.. 

    2. @John Cortes you’re missing some data.  yes, i knew she had kids.  but i also knew that odds of finding someone without kids who did not want kids is pretty low.  so, i was being open-minded to other options.  and no, despite what you may assume, i am not out to cause anyone any pain.  in fact, sparing her any greater pain is the reason i chose to break off the relationship after 9 days rather than just “hit it” for 6 months and then dump her.  perhaps now you have a better idea of the situation.

  72. Hi Henry, I have the same dilemma as your regarding marrying a woman with children but probably for different reasons. Lets be honest and call it what it is.  Most women after child birth loose their attractiveness to a great extent by getting saggy breasts and stomach with stretch marks which is a hard-on killer, at least for me it is. Secondly, I have always been determined not to bring a child into this stinking world because I feel sorry for them. And I don’t see a reason why I should raise somebody else’s child because he was not man enough to stay by his own children for whatever personal reason.  I am not as heartless as it sounds. I do donate to children causes when I can directly or indirectly.  As far as the woman involved I think every broken marriage has two parties and women are not always the victims as they pretend to… My advice to you is keep going from flower to flower until you find the right one… cheers!

  73. Sir it sounds like your new friend had all ready made the choice as to where her kids would be before she met you. Believe me that is not a choice they make lightly. And once they make it, it is very hard to change it back. You have moved there so you need to immerse your self in their ways of doing things. Do not try to bring our values and ways to them. Change what you can but accept what you can not. In a multi culture partnership you sometimes just need to relax and go with the flow

  74. Henry
    I think it wise to find out what you both can agree on before getting married. If you both can compromise great. There is nothing wrong with you not wanting to raise kids. If she can agree with that great. My point find out what you both can agree on before you go any further. Personally I would not want to raise someone kids. Being that I am older and have done that. If I was looking for a girl that would be one of my principles before getting involved. No kids

    1. Thanks for followup. I think that is a wise decision. There are a lot more women in the Philippines. I am sure you will find the right one. It is wise to take your time. better to be single and sad than married and mad smile.

    2. @Morris Hooks after much discussion (hours and hours, for days).. no compromise could be found.  we decided to go our own ways, but have remained friends and still get together once in a while.

    1. @david ng yes, this is true.  for me in particular, finding what i want is not an easy task.  but for men willing to have a new family.. there are SO MANY beautiful, wonderful women with kids here, hoping for a good husband.

  75. Hey Henry. Her big problem now is income as it is with most filipinos who don’t have a very good education. So you provide some opportunity. No filipino will look at you only as you. They see all westerners as rich. Even Filipino friends that I have who are US Citizens tell me they are looked at as being rich also because they live in the US. So I feel they see us as a chance to improve their lot. All the other stuff they tell you can be sorted out later regardless of what is being said now.  I can’t blame them. I think you already know what’s what. So as some point you will make that leap and then we will all be sitting at the end of our chairs wondering …. all that jazz… 

    1. @Tom D yah.  we decided to remain friends and each move on romantically to seeing other people.  so i believe it all worked out for the best.   🙂

  76. I find it a little strange also. My Filipina girlfriend is in the Philippines with her 11-year old daughter. I am moving there at the end of May to be with them and there is no question we will live together. The daughter also spent time with relatives in the Province but my girlfriend never entertained the idea of living apart from her kids. I think if you were married, the kids would show up pretty quickly.

  77. I know now my opinion is moot because you’re with lyn but from what I’ve learned the kids are probably quite fine. Jade, my ex, is supporting her two kids (and a few others including her mother who is taking care of her kids) and because of her situation they are much better off because she and I met.They will soon be here, Jade has her citizenship now, but her kids will be going to San Diago where all of her state-side family lives. (Getting all westernized) oh boy!! They chat every day via skype, viber or what have you, and I really believe things are just fine…I know, your responsible American way of thinking tells you different but..  Anyway, you’re with Liyn and from what I’ve seen she’s a really nice person. I’m happy for you!

    1. @geo rux it ended up being for the best that i cut off the relationship with joan right away. (first 9 days) since then she has met an expat who is willing to take her and her kids to the usa, and he wants more kids with her. so.. everybody happy and together. meanwhile, i met lyn. but had i stayed with joan, knowing what i knew about the kid situation, i think eventually both of us would have been unhappy. it was painful at the time, but worth it.

  78. Gotta tell you man I understand exactly where you are coming from. I have for the last 11 years have raised FOUR kids by myself. When I say by myself I mean NO child support, not a phone call from her to them at Christmas nor Thanksgiving and not even on their own damn BIRTHDAYS.

    So, the absolute LAST thing that I want is to make nor raise one more child (I’ve already had the ‘nut cut’). This IS a ‘deal-breaker’ for me, just like politics and drug abuse would be. However, even I would have hard time with this.

    Those children didn’t ask to be born, neither mine nor hers and they NEED a mother. Depending on their sexes, possibly more than a father. It takes a MAN to raise a man but it takes a mother to raise a woman…GOD knows how my three girls are gonna turn out. Sean I’m not so worried about. ALL four of mine HATE their mother for what she has done and has NOT done, to them and for them, respectively. Just saying good luck on this one brotha, I do NOT envy you.

    1. I haven’t come to a conclusion yet as to which is more important to me, younger woman or LACK of the western mentality although both are mandatory. My wives have been younger than myself, the last by almost 17 years…but this “NOTHING is ever good enough” is what I’m running from.  Yes, I admit it…I’m running from it.  TBT, it’s not all women but I’m tired of the search for the ones that aren’t that way.

    2. +Patrick McLaughlin the one option i’ve yet to explore is an older woman whose kids have left the house. i’m not too keen on that option since (a) even older kids can become a ‘sponge’ with their hand out (b) it defeats one of my other preferences, a younger woman.

  79. why spend the twelve days if you know you don’t want kids ?? she can’t meet the right guy if she’s spending time with the wrong guy ??? things are going well , not good ,, google it and best of luck to you..

    1. you can’t make decisions on a stranger you know nothing about. part of the whole dating process is finding these things out. that isn’t done in 5 seconds.

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